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Title: Low moment Post by: Paul M on March 19, 2014, 10:20:54 AM Hi everyone
5 wks to the day I split with the ex. She wanted to talk but I decided not to prolong the pain any further and leave it there. I started nc. I know I could of gone to see her and made it work but as much as it hurt me I had to keep my dignity. Iv come on great strides since but I saw earlier on fb via her best mate how excited she was for a day up london, now I know Wednesday are my ex day of so usually they spend it together. My ex liked the status and when I saw it my heart sunk . I know it's so silly but when your gut hurts like that no matter what caused it it still really difficult. My ex is not diagnosed iv just come to the conclusion thru what she told me and her actions she has strong BPD traits. Iv been telling myself she prob got a new man already and never thinks of me at all. So how can a simple like on a status make me feel like this. It's mad how deep the hurt goes from feeling used to feeling betrayed to just not knowing what to feel. Anyways that's all I got to say having a BPD ex is very hard to come to terms with. I just can't wait until she is gone from my head Title: Re: Low moment Post by: corraline on March 19, 2014, 10:39:40 AM Hi paul
For myself if i just allow myself to ride the wave of pain i can usually get to the other side Just trying to not punish myself But i do I wish this was all a nightmare that i can just wake up from Its been about 5 wks for me too Here is a big hug and a wish for healing in your heart and better days ahead Title: Re: Low moment Post by: coolioqq on March 19, 2014, 10:55:05 AM Fear (from abandonment) is almost everything that goes on in the brain affected by BPD. It clouds everything else. That's why they seek replacements, induce memory "blackouts," and do all the other things that you read on this board.
It is a pitiful state of mind, and something that nons find difficult to relate to. I can't imagine myself eve thinking that way. Grieving is a very normal and human thing to do. If someone cannot grieve (in whatever way there is), then there was no love involved on their end. That is a difficult thing to process and accept, and something that I am currently struggling to accept. But it is what it is. My story is actually very similar to yours. I had enough dignity and self-esteem to call it quits despite my ex trying to continue. Actions must match or go beyond what is said. That was not there in my case. I realized that I didn't owe anything to someone who lied to me, so I started NC after that - no explanations, no goodbyes. If someone wants the gift of myself, I want the same from them. I don't want fears, lies, excuses. BPD or not, I want the truth, on time, and we go from there. There is nothing wrong to stand up for yourself and detach from toxicity. It's a road with thorns, but think of walking a mile on thorns versus years or, worse yet, your entire life. The choice is clear, and there should be no regrets. Venting out is sometimes healthy, as you can see :). Give yourself a big hug and smile, even if it's hard! It will be easier as time goes. It's still very fresh on me, but I know I made the right choice. Right choice is usually hard, but a whole lot bettet in the long term. Title: Re: Low moment Post by: corraline on March 19, 2014, 11:15:56 AM My ex told me occasionally that i scared him sh**less.
I just couldnt get that. So i spent three years trying to prove my love and committment. Not like all of those other manipulative fearful man hating women that he claimed to roam this earth But im getting to understand why he said this now It wasnt about me or those supposed bad women at all |