BPDFamily.com

In advance, apologies for the length of the post. I wanted to get everything down to give people as full a picture as possible. If you don't want to read through all of it, then please could you skip to the end and attempt to answer me question? It would be much appreciated... .

So my BPDexgf and I were together for only 3 months before she decided to devalue me overnight. One week later and I was dumped. She said she needed to "find herself, be on her own for a while" and that it was "difficult for her too", despite showing no remorse or guilt whatsoever. I said that I wanted to stay friends with her but whenever we met up, she was just cold and distant, not the friend that she once was. There was no connection there and it felt strange. Two weeks later, and after she had slept with her ex and a random guy she had met out, she asked to see me. She said that I wasn't over her and that she felt it best we didn't see each other. I confronted her about the other people she had been with, since she had lied to me about the reason for our breakup. She became extremely volatile and explained that she left me "because she didn't love me anymore", and ran away yet again. I texted her later that evening, and she again became volatile, probably because she is embarrassed as I have caught her out (I don't think anyone has managed to catch her out before).

So, a couple of weeks pass with NC between us, before I receive a text from her asking if I still had some of her belongings. I kept my response very brief and said that I would meet her the following week to return it. She never texted me after this, and that is the last contact which she made with me... . Only 5 days after she texted, on Valentines Day, I was out with my mates when we saw her in a bar with another guy (who we presumed was my replacement). She had seen me and deliberately ignored me, looking at the ground and standing with her back to me. However she was extremely bitter towards me, standing right behind my group of friends and getting intimate with her new victim. I was visibly hurt and upset by this, and as a result, I think I have her the reaction/attention that she wanted.

Anyhow, another month has passed since then. I texted her on her 21st birthday to wish her a happy birthday (I gathered that I should take the moral high ground and remain civil) and received no response from her. She has recently made attempts to reengage with our mutual friends, who hate her for how she has treated me and them. She also "liked" one of my close friend's photo's on Facebook recently, in what he sees as an attempt to "get at me" in some way (he is, and never was a mutual friend, but they got along well).

She has also recently blocked me on Twitter and deleted me from her Snapchat, despite the fact that I haven't contacted her on there since we broke up (she blocked me on Facebook as soon as we had our "texting argument".

In addition, as far as I'm aware, she has still not found my replacement as yet (the guy from Valentines Day never materialised into a relationship) despite desperately searching for him ever since our breakup. Friends say that she has been sleeping around, but, unless she has found someone in the last week, she is still single.

Why would she block me from her life so long after we broke up? There was absolutely no contact so she has had to go to the effort of finding me and blocking me. Friends say it is probably to "make a point" or to gain control, even to create drama (she LOVES drama). Why would she start interacting with my friends on social networking? She knows that she will never see this lad again and that he will have taken my side in the breakup. I know that she may have just "liked" it regardless, but I can say that if I had any of her friends on Facebook, then I certainly wouldn't interact with them, even in the form of a "like". How long will I remain painted black, in your opinions? It has been 2 months now and she is showing no signs of making contact, or becoming any less spiteful towards me. If she is still single, and so desperate for a boyfriend, then why wouldn't she make contact? Is she embarrassed? I have remained civil other than our small argument... . Does she still think about me or miss me? And is there a possibility that she will initiate contact soon? She has gone back to exes in the past, but I'm not too sure of the circumstances... . Is she hurting?

I should add that I am posting on the leaving board as I do want to forget about her and move on, but I am finding it so hard. I am moving away in June, so I'm hoping that after this, not having her living so close will mean that I am able to detach. I do want her to reengage, but I know that it will never work. I guess I just wanted validation that I meant something to her. I was her second serious relationship, and treated her like a princess. I never knew she was BPD and never saw a breakup coming.

Thank you for any advice, and, once again, sorry about the length of the post... .

It hurts a lot, I know. I'm on anti-depressants as I write this... . Like I said in the other post, I think that pwBPD simply don't have emotional maturity (3-year-olds) or capacity to truly feel romantic love. It's not you, or me, or thousands of members on this board... .

As far as your question, you pretty much answered it yourself.


The fact that you are moving away will give you a fresh new start. Try to use the meantime to reaffirm your own values and expectations. You may realize that someone sleeping around and looking for replacements no matter what does not deserve you.

My ex did the same. One min we are in love etc etc the next she calling me upset saying she don't knowing it's working etc maybe it could let's meet up face to face... . ,,

I hung up and told her to not contact me again. It's been 6 weeks nc. It hurts like hell but I wanted to avoid being recycled I wanted to save myself dignity and show her I am not a mug for anybody.

It bloody hurt tho honest I fort I was going mad at one point. I still wrestle with my thoughts on a daily basis but I know I done the correct thing.

I assume my ex has moved on I highly suspect it but in your case you know she has so all I got to say is this-

Are you the type if guy to let urself be treated like crap even though you love her look at what she's doing to you she is not the girl you fort she was and anyway don't it make you angry she sleeping around?

Time is a healer go nc and tell her where to go the dirtbag

Find a emotionally available girl and be glad you got out early like me

Bless

The whole thing just makes no sense. It does anger me that she is sleeping around. Since our breakup, she has no done anything or received anything that she couldn't have in our relationship. The sex is one part of that, obviously, but she is desperately looking for my replacement when she could have just stayed with me.

Time is the best healer, and I know that I will heal eventually. But it's taking much longer than I expected, and I seem to keep going from caring to not caring. The times I don't care is when I know that she is alone,  desperate for someone to give her attention. It makes me feel better that she is being punished for her poor treatment of me. But every time I see her living her life so happily, every time I hear about her finding someone else, every time I see that she has moved on, I feel utterly dreadful.

For the time being, I have just got to stick with this situation. Unfortunately, she still has one or two of my belongings which I will have to get from her, which means initiating contact, but other than that, when I move away, I am unable to see what she is doing in her life. I may find out things from friends or from her Twitter feeds, etc., but at least I will be able to detach easier knowing that she is not living give streets away... .

Yes your correct. It dies not make sense. To us as we are nons. To them it makes sense. They see the relationship so much different than we do.They block it out on to the next victim and forget about the pain they cause others. They are running from themselves.

You need to understand it will never make sense. It's hard I'm struggling trying to do the same thing.You deserve somebody who is emotionally available and will love you better.

Read the article there is one about the top mis-conceptions that keep you stuck when coming out of this type of rs

Be easy on urself there are some very knowledgable people on here who will comment soon as they see this thread with better advice.

I wouldn't wish such a "happy" life on my worst enemy... . If they knew what happiness is they would not have the disorder. It's a difficult condition to be in.