BPDFamily.com

My ex just texted me asking me if me and my family are ok, that for some strange reason she can't stop thinking of me. I wonder why she has to be so indirect and text as well as have a worry that something must be wrong to communicate.  I haven't heard from her in two weeks in which two weeks ago today she finally stopped yo-yoing me around and broke up with me- after about 2 months of silence treatment mixed with back and forth.  I was crying in my bed hours ago thinking that perhaps I would never hear from her again.

I have started therapy and really have been starting to grieve the loss of possibilities of her as a life partner. We were together for two years and she broke my heart saying all the time that I wasn't emotionally connected enough to her needs and caused alot of turbulence for our connection... . which she projects on me saying that I am angry when I express my feelings- like if I shared right now that I feel like she has some nerve in texting me tonight. We had alot of hobbies in common and the chemistry was right on, so I personally never wanted to break up.

I'm reading the abandonment book too that is on this site and recognize that I for sure has attachment issues and need to work through them. I want a partner who will understand me and not accuse me of being angry each time I express a feeling of loss or not being where they are.

I didn't respond and an hour later she texts me again saying she is being impulsive and just wants to know how I am doing because she has been thinking of me alot. Unsure what to do. I don't want to use the silent treatment like she did to me. I also don't want to get sucked into communicating with her and being let down. She seems to often express, express, express and I can't really share myself.

Thoughts anyone?

So sorry about your situation, I hear your pain. 

Perhaps you could sent a short text back... . My life is okay so far, thank you for asking.

This may be a white lie, I think this is okay in this situation. I would keep it short and not very personal.

Each time my ex texts or reaches out it assures me again that I am on these boards for the right reasons. Right when I think that maybe I was being dramatic in thinking she has BPD.

I ended up texting her back a generic response that we are all ok. But then she sent a long one about how she is missing me so and wanted to let me know.  I asked her to meet and discuss her feelings in person instead of sharing via text message- because I need to have more information to understand. I also mentioned that I would like to take about boundaries of our breakup.  But she then she said instead that she shouldn't have reached out.  I want to meet with her  to express my boundaries, but it seems that I instantly become to her "the angry person" when I suggest.

If she feels that she is missing our relationship, but doesn't want to do anything about it, why does she feel the need to share with me her feelings with me? ... . whenever she feels like it, in a text. There is no room for my expression of feelings and she just reacts. And then with each of her reactions I get blamed for her feelings.

I think by saying you want to meet to discuss the boundries of the break up may elicit shame in her and possible feelings of abandonment may awaken so to avoid feeling vulnerable and the pain of the loss, she immediately goes into her shell saying she should not have texted as a way to protect herself and withdraw.  I think that is what the silent treatment is all about. And control too as they know we want to talk and know where we stand. So they keep us off balance as they feel so out of control in every other aspect of their lives that this feels like they can control something. So then she opened up saying she missed you and you tried to set a goal and boundry and she receded back into protection mode and maybe more silence to come even.

Silent treatment for 2 months? What was that over? Wow... . sounds like my exBPDbf.  The smallest thing happens and he puts me in ST for months... . so 7 days ago I finally emailed  him (after previously sending two nice emails) saying never to contact me and just stay away from me as the ups and downs hurt too much. We shall see but he usually reaches out randomly after a few months. Hopefully this is it as emotionally it is insane.  I do not even get dumped. He just gets mad and goes silent and responds to nothing and if I call him or email him at work (we work in same building) he tells me to stop harrassing him. I have only called him ever  twice since this ST started a month ago and I still have no answers. I hate the ST.  His prior excuse after 2.5 months was that he realized he had been angry and treated me like crap and now knew, due to therapy, he was angry at his life and took it out on me and if given another chance he would do things different. It was worse this time round!

So finally I figured I would take control back and send him an email telling me his ST bought him a one way ticket out of my life for good. NC all the way. Day 7 of it now... .