BPDFamily.com

I am completely puzzled as to why it's taking my ex so long to move out.  We decided at the end of last summer to divorce (he initiated it) and recently finalized the property settlement and shared custody (we have two young kids).  On the upside he is being way more reasonable than he's been in the past three years (we were married for 8 years). His BPD was very apparent to me before the decision to divorce but he's been much more agreeable since we decided to split.

Anyway, there is no chance of reconciliation and I'm ready to move on but HE WON'T MOVE OUT.  We have joint custody and have already worked out the parenting schedule so it's not a matter of him not getting a chance to be with the kids.  He's been buying furniture and supplies for the new place so it's not like he's not doing anything.

He's been working with a real estate agent to find a place and I know it's tough in our area right now price-wise, etc. but it is taking months now!  He was the one who said he didn't want the whole thing to drag out for six months and now he just won't leave.  I want to move on and feel like we're just in this never-ending holding pattern.  Why won't he just find a place and leave?  I'm starting to wish I'd been the one to move out.  I don't want to kick him out since he's put a lot into the house but I am about to lose my mind.  What can I do to get him to move out?  It feels like he wants it both ways, to not be married but to not be alone either.  Totally maddening!

sadderwiser, I think its the attachment. 8 years is a long time. pwBPD, at least somewhat high functioning ones, need that security of a stable place to land. I officially ended my r/s with mine in early October. But she was already in a r/s with someone else. It took until early feb for her finally to leave. We live in the second or third most expensive place to live in the US. It took her months to go through an affordable housing process to finally be approved. It was an emotiinal hell for me. I survived by maintaining LC (only talking about issues with the kids, logistical issues common to living together). Yet I had to keep pushing, since I think if I hadn't, she'd still be here. We weren't married, so I don't have that pressure, only the custody issues which are still in process.

Though I was disgusted even talking to her, I had to keep asking for weekly updates. Asserting myself in a way I was nit previously comfortable with throughout our 6 year r/s. I understand that it may be difficult to do so since he is the on who chose to leave, but is hanging on, but can you you keep pushing without big conflict?