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hi folks

wanted to share with you, I came across some photos in FB from the ex pwBPD... . we are not friends nor anything, but a group we both belong posted photos from recent gatherings (latest one i had to miss to avoid confrontation)... .  i thought i would feel down if i see a photo of her with some people i know... .   but instead of feeling all down and clingy. i felt ok!...

she does not look happy... seems like the fake smile is not there (or wasnt there that day)... . and she is not as pretty/stunning as i remember. back when we both idealized each other i thought she was soo good looking, strong, etc... but I saw her with eyes  of infatuation ... . i see her with more real eyes now, she is normal, she is above average in good looks, but there is something about her that does not seem right, she does not seem "honest" if you all know what i mean...

ohhh i am smiling now. I dont miss her much now. I still send her my best wishes and will always do, but it is interesting to see the person without being in the middle of FOG...  she is just another person. Why did i give her so much power at some point? well, i know i dont give her that much power now...  

It's good to be smiling for a change, huh? :D

This is the case for me too. But, when I first saw her on a picture, without even talking to her or getting to know her, I didn't really feel any butterflies so to speak. She was average, but then I find looks secondary. I need just enough of it for there to be some chemistry. And something just wasn't right about her face, the "honest" part that you are talking about. But both of us, my friend, now have a different pair of eyes to look at them. That's why we now know what was wrog.

Anyway even after The photo left me interested but a bit uneasy. I said what the heck, let's get in touch and see jow it goes. It went from there. The more I knew her, or her created for me personality, I'd go back to that pic and she was getting prettier in my mind. It's simply how our brains work. I think it's because our understanding, at the time, of their personal qualities enhances the way we see them. Now you know who she really is, and your brain sees her differently, probably more realistically. Same with me... . Though, in my case she was the one driven by looks, finding subtle ways to remind me of that. Although she did really like me. I loved her. That's the difference. I should have known better. Lesson learned for the future - as soon as I run into someone hung up on looks alone - run for my life!

And you, my friend, don't get the smile off your face. Now you see that there is no reason for that! :)

I should have also added that in person she looked even lesa trust-worthy and notably less attractive, but I was deeply in love and didn't really care... . I should have cared about the dishonest look and behavior, but love is blind and I saw what she wanted me to see... .

hey coolioqq

thanks for your message!

yes, we went through similar experience, we have different eyes now and we can see them for that they are, both physically and emotionally

thanks !

Keep your smile on your face!... . love is blind... . but now, you're not. I think that's a priceless gift, hard-won too! Love-goggles hide the things we don't want to see from us... . taking them off is painful, like bright light... then our eyes adjust and we see that it's only bright because we've been in the dark for so long.

thanks Tinkerbell09

the love-googles fell off indeed. I truly hope i dont put them back on again! ever (as in with the pwBPD)