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Title: Beyond Dysregulated Post by: blondie34 on March 25, 2014, 11:53:43 AM My BPDgf has tipped and gone over the edge.
She has been incredibly depressed over the past couple of months and I have done my best to support her, although I know I could have done better as I have made some critical mistakes. We have argued for the better part of the last few days (well almost every day for the last few months). This morning, I walked away and I am dreading going home as I do not know how this will escalate. I finally put my phone away from her texting non stop with how she views the world and me. I just told her I would be home later and we can discuss things more when she is calmer as my attempts at validation were not successful. I have never seen her this way and I find she is progressively getting worse. When your partner constantly says they hate you and want to end the relationship. When do you finally listen and take them seriously? Title: Re: Beyond Dysregulated Post by: kfifd196 on March 25, 2014, 03:19:15 PM I can't count the number of times my wife went from loving me like a God, to hating me and leaving or telling me it's over... . She did it 2 days after meeting me, because I didn't call her during the day, only texted! I was at work and busy, but that didn't matter in her mind. This last time was last month and I thought, once again, she was doing as she always does, but then filed for divorce out of the blue... . Then, got a restraining order, because I reached out to her... . Like I NORMALLY do. At least she dropped it today, but I'm not allowed to bring up reconciling... . she wants the divorce. It sucks, because I was doing everything she wanted me to do to save our marriage... . Mar. Counseling, Therapist, even went to Al-Anon and was going to put her on the Deed and offered to put tracking devices on my phone, laptop, etc to ease her trust issues... . NOTHING... . She wants out for what ever reason and is demonizing me about everything, saying I ruined her life, her pregnancy and made fun of my body (I'm in athletic shape) and that I sometimes eat Cocoa Pebbles for breakfast... . Anything to devalue me. So, you just don't know... . I didn't think that would be the last time I saw her or kissed her... . It ended like someone flicked a switch and went from love to hate! I'm beside myself, as this was the love of my life and she kept saying the same and how grateful she was for me and that I was the greatest husband and father, she could've hoped for... . So, to say I'm confused is an understatement!
Title: Re: Beyond Dysregulated Post by: an0ught on March 27, 2014, 03:13:13 PM Hi blondie34,
sounds like a major crisis for you My BPDgf has tipped and gone over the edge. She has been incredibly depressed over the past couple of months and I have done my best to support her, although I know I could have done better as I have made some critical mistakes. We have argued for the better part of the last few days (well almost every day for the last few months). This morning, I walked away and I am dreading going home as I do not know how this will escalate. I finally put my phone away from her texting non stop with how she views the world and me. I just told her I would be home later and we can discuss things more when she is calmer as my attempts at validation were not successful. What did you say or do to validate her? I have never seen her this way and I find she is progressively getting worse. When your partner constantly says they hate you and want to end the relationship. When do you finally listen and take them seriously? Difficult to say. But she is talking to you and she is not closing down the relationship. The intensity of the struggle may indicate a strong attachment. Generally I would pay more attention to her behavior as what she says when dysregulated. Often your own emotions are a good indicator what is going on the other side as there will be a fair bit of transference. And you struggled to leave her. Title: Re: Beyond Dysregulated Post by: hurthusband on March 27, 2014, 03:25:54 PM My BPDgf has tipped and gone over the edge. She has been incredibly depressed over the past couple of months and I have done my best to support her, although I know I could have done better as I have made some critical mistakes. We have argued for the better part of the last few days (well almost every day for the last few months). This morning, I walked away and I am dreading going home as I do not know how this will escalate. I finally put my phone away from her texting non stop with how she views the world and me. I just told her I would be home later and we can discuss things more when she is calmer as my attempts at validation were not successful. I have never seen her this way and I find she is progressively getting worse. When your partner constantly says they hate you and want to end the relationship. When do you finally listen and take them seriously? Everytime feels serious. Everytime hurts. You almost wish they would leave so you do not feel like the person abandoning them. Cept when they say they are ditching kids too and you think of how it will hurt he kids. I was reading somewhere that good results with DBT are maybe 60%... usually like 40%. That is pretty depressing. It would almost be easier to deal with terminal cancer |