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I remember something my uBPDstbxW said a few times over the last couple of years of our marriage that should of raised a huge red flag.

We were discussing our love/marriage casually when she made a remark that was hard for me to grasp. I was referred to by her as "the one that will bring her the baby that she's always wanted". She said nothing else about love, why she loved me, anything else good about me or us, just that remark. From time to time she said it a couple of other times. I questioned her the first time hearing it -> "Is that all we are about is the bringing of the baby?" "Love is here right?" I don't really remember her answer, it was just some hard to understand gibberish non answer. It's like I was just the UPS man or the stork to bring the baby. I heard this statement on a couple other occasions also from her. I didn't question her the second or third time she said it. Wow, I guess that was really denial at that point. She said she loved me many times during the marriage, but those are just words. I was painted black and then dumped in the end though.

Thoughts or anybody else have similar refusing to look at a red flag moment?

Mine said to me - let's make a baby - I can see you as a wonderful dad (3rd month into the relationship).

At first I thought - she is joking, but then I understood that she was serious but still i swept this remark under the rug.

Speeches about how she couldn't imagine raising a baby by herself or with some looser were to follow. And that she saw a potential within me - that she was sure and secure that she could rise a baby with me at her side (maybe 4th month into the relationship) - I was totally def man.  

My ex said from weeks into the relationship that she couldn't wait to be pregnant and let me take care of her. (note: I already have four children.)

I am a woman and my dBPDh begged me to have kids, it was a fantasy that they would fill that hole inside of him.  It took many years, fertility treatments (donor sperm, thank god) and finally had 2 babies.  Of course while I was pregnant he started using drugs and by the time they were 2.5, he added in strippers and hookers.  Yeah, having children with a BPD is a nightmare.  He wasn't using drugs or cheating until after I was trapped with small children.

I think thats exactly right, they use children to fill that hole inside them, but it never works. Same goes for pets, my BPDexgf keeps getting pets hoping to fill the void but then neglects them


I am very grateful I dodged that bullet. Although I would like to have kids one day, it would need to be in a mature, stable r/s

I wonder when they neglect a pet the reason?

Do they paint the pet black like they do us?

If so wonder why ... . maybe like the cat is annoying and deemed bad or it eats too much expensive food and is deemed bad. Maybe it's just they are bored with the pet and it serves no purpose now.

My wife seemed to be more happy being with the cat than with me. :)

Maybe with the animal thing it's the unconditional love they receive. My ex had a strange relationship with his dog and actually dumped me twice for it. On one occasion he actually told me there were three in the relationship, me, him and the dog. Big red-flag there. It was like he used it as an emotional prop... . yes to fill the void.  He did say that a dog was always there  to happily greet him when he returned home. That said, on occasions, the dog would be painted black.