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... . is that the utility bill went from $120-$130 to $70 (which reflected her still being here two weeks) to now $35. That includes gas and electric. It will go up in the summer with the AC, but not by a lot. I'd like for those roving solar installers to come by now so I can tell them and watch the looks on their faces.

Yes I'm looking forward to the lower bills also.

You can only think of ONE?

Here's my list of positive things since my uBPDxw left me and my sons:

*No more living a lie

*No more affairs behind my back

*No more taking care of a CHILD that I thought was an adult woman

*No more being made to feel guilty

*No more lies being told about me to family and friends

*A cleaner House

*Yes my utilities are lower too... . LOL

****much better relationship with my sons****

*closer relationship with God

*Finances are in order

*my retirement looks better as I'll have one less defendant

*******feel GREAT about myself********

*making true friends again*

*persuing my hobbies again without feeling guilty*

*Im much healthier both physically and mentally

*Better relationship with in laws (her family) because they are no longer being told lies about me and have been exposed to the truth

I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!

brilliant post!  fantastic, really cheered me up!  :)

Turkish, what the hell was she doing with all of the electricity, man?

Funny thing is that I was always accused of being a sloppy person and not cleaning up, but after she left my place is cleaner than ever... . Ha, are there other household things that are easier for you too?

She's actually the clean freak, and would go on weekend cleaning rampages sometimes, on normal things, not that we were messy at all... I'll actually keep that from her. She promised to clean when she moved out, but left her bathroom dirty, and a lot of her stuff scattered about, which I've been slowly taking to her moms for pick up. Very rude, and I won't take her up on the offer to pay for her aunt to come clean the house (no spies, and no control). Next weekend without the kids, I'm going to take stuff to donate for a tax write off. She even gathered baby clothes she said she was going to take to donate herself, but left them here, so I'm going to take them. My top marginal rate is two above hers so it benefits me more anyway.

No more 20 min hot showers. More lights on because she doesn't like the dark (I broke my kids of being scared of the dark, because I was deathly afraid of it at their ages... . I didn't lose it until I was 12 and my mom moved us to the forest with no electricity... . that was shock therapy!).

No more keeping the house at 67-68F at night. The gas bill killed us. I let it get down to 62 when I am alone, and 63-64 when the kids are here. They don't seem to mind.

I can't think of anything else. I did all the yard work. She's going to drop off the kids next Sunday for a few hours since she has a work function (right of first refusal, she was going to drop them at her mom's). I guess I should extra clean on Sat to not hear the criticism if she looks inside, or wants to use the bathroom as a ruse fir spying. I let the kids leave the living room a mess of their toys since I don't anticipate visitors. I should probably clean that up. Still WoE, though its refreshing to get the feelng that she's WoE around me lately... . large city, but small ethnic community. I've kept my mouth largely shut about the truth of this here, but her narc traits keep her from realizing people largely have figured some things out.

All in all, no more stress of little things, as she could create drama for small things like even going to the mall. I love weekends with the kids. DS4 has his histrionic outbursts, but DD1 has her stoic, quiet ones, and I deal with hem accordingly. We actually see eye to eye on a lot of co patenting issues, which makes it easier. This is the first weekend when I didn't feel the remorse of her not being here as a co parent. DD1 was very clingy though, and in that, I'm sad, but glad my baby knows I love her.

Turkish I'm so happy for you. I know there's still a ways to go but I'm grateful to hear that things are manageable and that you've been having good moments managing the home on your own. My ex was also pretty clean, not a clean freak but one thing i will say is that I always enjoyed living with her--this still baffles me, because i think moving in together (after 2.5 years being together) actually helped our r/s, perhaps making her feel safer for a year or so. Being on my own for 2 years though, and this being the first time I've lived without a roommate (I had a roommate before leaving and moving in with her) I wonder how hard it will be to adjust living with someone else. If anything though, what I learned about myself is that I can be content living with a woman I love... . just not quite ready to go there again yet (but dating and lusty nights... . yessir!).

It's awesome you are saving so much on bills. I highly recommend you taking a portion of the savings and investing it directly in yourself, this will benefit you and your family. Invest in your life and well being... . I dunno, like maybe get an hour long massage, pay for a maid (that you pick) to help clean just because, or any other thing you can think of. Tell you the truth i just want to buy you a beer  *)

"You can only think of ONE?

Here's my list of positive things since my uBPDxw left me and my sons:

*No more living a lie

*No more affairs behind my back

*No more taking care of a CHILD that I thought was an adult woman

*No more being made to feel guilty

*No more lies being told about me to family and friends

*A cleaner House

*Yes my utilities are lower too... . LOL

****much better relationship with my sons****

*closer relationship with God

*Finances are in order

*my retirement looks better as I'll have one less defendant

*******feel GREAT about myself********

*making true friends again*

*persuing my hobbies again without feeling guilty*

*Im much healthier both physically and mentally

*Better relationship with in laws (her family) because they are no longer being told lies about me and have been exposed to the truth

I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON AND ON!"

Not much to add to this list except that priority #1 is me... . the way it always should have been.

I hear ya! My only priorities... . My sons and myself... . In that Order!

Something my uBPDxw sadly will NEVER understand... . And for that I DO feel sorry for her!

In a healthy r/s, I believe your mate should be the #1 priority, short of neglecting the children. And of course at younger ages, they do demand more attention. It's that the constant need-based love that is demanded by a pwBPD which becomes too much. Without reciprocity, there is no r/s, just a "need fulfillment trap," as another member here quoted as input from their T.