|
Title: Introduction Post by: pipergirl on March 29, 2014, 07:16:42 PM I'm 47, wanting to tune out my mother (73 - not in the same town) without fully losing contact. I've been trying to stick to pleasantries, but she has a stash of slams that she pulls out when her mood dips and, although I can keep from taking them personally now, I just have nothing left to say. Trying to figure out what caring for an elderly parent looks like when you don't have a relationship.
Title: Re: Introduction Post by: motherof1yearold on March 29, 2014, 07:53:02 PM Hi! First of all, welcome! *welcome*
I see that you do not wish to go 'no contact' , which is fine! So perhaps having LIMITED contact can help you preserve your own sanity? There are a few solutions. Perhaps even looking into 'grey rock' I see at her age that many folks get even more stubborn, so at this point it is just vital for you to do what you feel is best and not be walked all over. Consider reading the book 'stop walking on eggshells' Good luck Title: Re: Introduction Post by: peaceplease on March 29, 2014, 08:09:47 PM pipergirl,
I would like to join motherof1yearold in welcoming you to bpdfamily. I am sorry about the difficulty in talking to your mother. I am glad that you are able to keep from taking it personally. Has your mother been diagnosed with BPD? Here is some suggested reading material: Coping when a Family Member has BPD Lessons/Survivor's Guide to Childhood Abuse (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108307.0) When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively affect everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5] Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0) board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey. Please keep in touch. We are here for you. peaceplease Title: Re: Introduction Post by: AsianSon on March 30, 2014, 11:36:28 AM I'm 47, wanting to tune out my mother (73 - not in the same town) without fully losing contact. I've been trying to stick to pleasantries, but she has a stash of slams that she pulls out when her mood dips and, although I can keep from taking them personally now, I just have nothing left to say. Trying to figure out what caring for an elderly parent looks like when you don't have a relationship. Hi pipergirl, You are not alone! My age and my uBPD mother's age are almost identical to yours, and I too have the work of maintaining contact and dealing with / overcoming her behaviors and caring for her as she ages. Do you have others in the picture? Siblings or others in your extended family? When my mother's mood dips, I use some of the communications methods you will find on this site. I also work hard to enforce boundaries as needed. For example, she will frequently bring up past "misdeeds" to which I respond by focusing on what can be done in the present and the future. The past cannot change, and neither she nor I can re-do or un-do any of it. (And there is no point in trying to change her views of the past.) Please remember that you (and everyone else here) are stronger than we know. Your current situation will not last forever. And as peaceplease said, "Please keep in touch." You don't have to handle it alone. Title: Re: Introduction Post by: pipergirl on March 30, 2014, 08:09:08 PM Okay, this IS nice. Thanks everyone : )
|