BPDFamily.com

It's been a little over a month with NC and today is a little weird for me . I don't know why , but I have this uneasy feeling since I woke up . Missing the person who I thought she was pretty heavy today . I almost went and looked at her Twitter but I knew that would only hurt me worse. No matter what is happening in her life she will alway project happiness on social media . Things have popped into my head that I have forgot about for the last couple years .  It's amazing the flags that you now see clearly since not into the daily drama and chaos . The getting mad at me when I am on the phone , getting text messages or looking at FB ... But it was all double standers ... because it was ok for her . I caught myself trying to blame "me" for a lot if the problems ... I know I had my part ... I have never been a hot head before but after a while trying to convince her that "I am not doing anything wrong" in a lot of different areas ... In the end I started losing my temper ... Not physical  ... But verbal ... I said some

Pretty nasty things " your crazy " and stuff like that ... That is one lesson I have learned that no matter what someone says or accuses ... Just walk away ... It's not worth it . I have to give thanks to this board ... When ever it gets tuff for me , it allows me to express myself and keeps my mind from looking at her world ... I went out with friends Saturday night ... And I can actually say that is the first time for about 8 hours she never popped into my mind . I am not a heavy drinker but did put "it on " a little more than normal ... lol ... But it was a happy drunk :) not trying to kill pain or anything . I try to keep in mind that even though I was replaced before I knew it ... I try to keep into perspective of "she will not change" and it doesn't matter what she does with her life ... She has been divorced 2 times , had a baby daddy from her oldest and has had chaos and drama her own life ... It's a ticking time bomb ... I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if we lived together , but then a close friend of mine reminds me " it wouldn't be different" she would have tried to consume you even more . I do feel lonely at times , a little emotional but it is getting better . Any ways ... Thank you guys and girls for letting me just write a little bit to feel like somebody is listening ...  

Hey

Listen I'm 2 month out and want to let you know it does get better slowly but surely.

It's the hardest thing iv ever been thru but what don't kill you makes you stronger.

I look at it like this. These types if women are exactly the type we try to avoid. It's gunny how they can sense the good in you and pounce.our kindness turns to weakness. It makes you think your going mad ? Are you really in the wrong?

Take a step back. My friends all tell me you weren't really happy with her? Ur head was gone. It's true I normally trust my gut. But they get you brah don't they.

Anyways f that they been round the block. You wanna wifey that. There so many better women out there brah

Upgrade

You deserve it man

Believe in urself and go get that upgrade

Peace

Hey,

I am also 2 months out as my uBPDexgf left me and slowly healing. I have also been going out a bit recently and it's amazing how just a simple beer with a friend feels like something amazing, simply because I do not have to report where I am, answer questions about how hot the waitress was or run home to call her when she wants to talk makes everything so much better :)

I have to admit it is a blessing and I am looking forward to being with "humans" again as I am starting to work tomorrow after 6 months and will be surrounded by a great group of positive young people :)

I noticed the other night ... I thought about the same thing... If I was still with her... I would not have been able to do what I did... and it wasn't anything wrong... just hanging out... it would have been a big fight!

hi fool for love

sory to hear you are hurting. The first few weeks after NC are really hard. I understand you, have been there. Feels like we are stuck... .   but it will pass and it will get better.

Now, i think waht  you write above is good, you start to remember the bad stuff and the red flags... . we tend to "normalize" them when we are in the r/s... . but once the fog starts to lift, we look back and say "Huh?", things start acquiring more perspective. Can i suggest, you might want to write them down... . as a way to create a clearer picture of the situation, it helped me loads, as at times, i tend to forget the bad stuff too and remember how "wonderful" she was.

there will be up and downs... . that is natural... .

stay well