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Title: What is wrong with ME that I keep taking my uBPD back? Post by: JohnThorn on March 31, 2014, 10:30:53 PM Title sort of says it all. In one way or another, I always take her back, or miss her enough to be compelled to re-enter the ring of fire. Is there advice which can be offered her to help motivate and guide me to cutting ties permanently?
Just like in any relationship we both have had our share of bad moments. The difference is, in my view, her behavior can never be predicted and her actions are very extreme. I always get hurt. And then I get vilified when I act out on what is done to me. I have lost friends and grown very insecure in the process of participating in this relationship. And sadly, I recently have acted in manners that are less than respectable. I consult a professional and he helps me, but I would really like to hear from you all. Thanks! Title: Re: What is wrong with ME that I keep taking my uBPD back? Post by: Mutt on March 31, 2014, 11:02:44 PM *welcome*
Hi JohnThorn, I would like to welcome you. I'm sorry about the pain and the frustration that you are experiencing. I share a similar experience. My recommendation would be to learn as much about the disorder as you possibly can, and you will start to see why the function the way that they do. I'm sorry that you feel like you always end up getting hurt. Do you set boundaries with your SO? Communication tools can help in smoothing out the edges as well. These relationships are frustrating with cycles of conflict followed by periods of bliss. It's common to feel like you can't go on today, and then be back in the saddle next week and doing OK. Push and pull. We have a process called "Choosing a Path" and the senior members on [L2] Undecided : Staying or Leaving (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=2.0) will help you get out of the day to day chaos long enough to look at your options and understand how you really feel. You will also benefit if you learn the "Stop the bleeding" tools such as validation, techniques for erecting and maintaining boundaries, and using time outs. Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder? (https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2010/09/video-what-is-borderline-personality.html) Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD (https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2010/09/video-tools-to-reduce-conflict-with.html) Boundaries Tools of Respect (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a120.htm) TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth (https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict) You will find many members here at bpdfamily.com that share similar experiences and that can offer guidance and support. I'm glad that you have found us. - Mutt |