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Title: Isn't is just crazy to think back... Post by: Madison66 on April 01, 2014, 07:17:38 PM Isn't is just crazy to think back to what we all put up with in our r/s with pwBPD? I've been out and n/c for about 110 days from my 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf. I wake up each day with a new found peace in my heart. I have gotten back into exercise and many outdoor activities (hiking, biking, running, gardening, etc.), reconnected with friends, spent more quality time with my daughter, helped a loved on deal with alcoholism, strengthened my emphasis on my work, etc. I had the courage to start dating again (maybe a little too soon) and even met a fabulous non PD lady with whom I'm really enjoying spending time. Most importantly, I've reconnected with myself!
When I finally cut the cord on my r/s with my ex gf in early December after a short 6 wk recycle, I challenged myself to write down all of the abuse and craziness (hate to use that word, but it fits) I allowed in my life due to the r/s. It was 17 typed pages and I continue to remember more. I made sure to go back and add how each event made me feel so I could truly process all the madness that I invited and accepted in my life. Sure, there were some good times in the r/s but I wouldn't be here if I hadn't woken up to the fact that it was unhealthy for me to remain in the r/s. So, back to my question - have you really taken a moment to think back on all the craziness and understand and accept that life does not have to be that way? Now, if you could choose one thing in your life right now what would it be? Ok, let's make it happen... . Title: Re: Isn't is just crazy to think back... Post by: DiamondSW on April 01, 2014, 07:25:31 PM I choose to get a new job... . or have the full confidence to being self employed again which I used to be really good at!
It's crazy to see what I lost after just a 10mth relationship... . crazier still is she watched it happen, caused much of it to happen, and yet didn't even try to alter her behaviour, it just got worse and worse and worse... . She was vvvvvvv ill! She's probably still vvvvvv ill (note, just 6 v's now as she's in therapy) -long way to go tho... . oh well, at least she's trying... Title: Re: Isn't is just crazy to think back... Post by: buddy1226 on April 01, 2014, 07:32:30 PM Yes it is crazy looking back. i say that all the time. Every day it gets clearer how I had become conditioned to abuse (I hate saying that also) and crazy... We lived in a bubble and now that I am back around normal people again it is so evident. I'm in a relationship. Much too soon I know but I've been honest about everything and it just sort of happened.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop or not expecting my new girl to be different from day to day. She is even keeled and sweet and kind all the time. I am even hyper sensitive to looking at that as an idealization phase. |