BPDFamily.com

I am embarrassed to admit this but i started to hide the fact that i was still seeing my ex to some of my friends and family.

I spent alot of time talking to them about what i was going through and they were so upset that when i went back to him in the last year of our relationship i lied to my mother , father and brother.

My family lived out of town so it was easier.  My friends and children i couldn't hide it from too long.

I feel like such an terrible person for this .  I felt guilty about it too.  I felt guilty that i was hiding this from my ex partner too.

I always considered myself a pretty honest person and i was deceiving people .

I was worried that they would disrespect me and abandon me too.

They just could not believe that i would go back after all i had been through.  They were angry at me that i had stayed at all in the past. 

I did confess eventually and i lost their trust and more respect for going back and lying about it.

I can't believe i lived this way. I can't believe i was so dishonest

I kept the details of our "married life" relationship hidden from everyone. I viewed it as too weird, sad and embarrassing to tell anyone of. As of now they only know a tiny bit of the uBPDstbxW.

Yes. No body in my life really knew about it. My r/s was long distance so that made it easier. But yes. I kept it hidden. I wish I hadn't. It probably wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. I always thought at the end of each visit that I would break up with her. But, I stayed. And on and on it went. I kept it a secret and that was such a mistake both during and after. Everyone in my life was like: WHAT? Who is this girl you keep going on and on about. Certainly hasn't helped.

YES! Id known him since childhood and my family and some mutual friends knew of him. He asked early on that we move slowly and keep things quiet. I was happy with that. A few months later when we made it public by him posting photos of us together on fb the hit really hit the fan and my family decided to give me the silent treatment for being with him. They dislike him i have discovered. But i stood my ground. 48 years old i will not be told who i can be friends with. Rage from my mother and threats. Ridiculous overreactions... . I stood up for him and then in the blink of an eye he deletes every photo and denies we were anything but friends. LUCKY ME>>  silent treatment now for 4 weeks from my parents and sister,  and 3 weeks from him.

Two days ago he reposted the photos. Close up of us kissing passionately. But no contact, and i ignored.

Attention seeking ? Testing the water? Who knows... . World of grief though the past month. I wish to hell id kept it a secret and not gotten caught up in the excitement of announcing to all.

If i give things another go with him, it will definately be kept a secret this time... .

Hi C.

We really live and learn, you went back for a slew of reasons, and that isn't anyones business.  Is it okay that you lied>?  I feel that you did it for your won reasons and the covering up wasn't for any reasons to be termed milicious in intent.  You might have coverered it up because you embarrassed, or you knew the type of response you would get from family and friends, even though they can be critical of us, sometimes they just know we deserve better.  I didn't hide the relationship when I was in it, but I covered up for her a lot, and didn't tell people the things she was doing, the way she was behaving etc... . In the end she attempted to make me look cruel and crazy.

Regardless, your entitled to make mistakes in life, just try your best not to repeat.  If you went back to see if things would change and if that love was real or still existed, who can blame for that.  Part of being in this type of dynamic, we act out of charater and do irrational things, because were around an irrational mind/person.  Try to let it go and realize you meant no harm.

after she attempted suicide and I got the blame she kept me hanging on for 3 months. I discovered she hadnt told her family we were still seeing each other when i discovered the xmas presents i had given her to give to her children and grandchildren still i her cupboard in February! deceitful liars manipulators and damaged

I had a number of siblings that never met my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3+ years.  Now, I live out of state from my relatives but it wasn't coincidental that I never brought her to meet some of my family.  The biggest thing was that I opened up to some family and friends during the r/s about things I was experiencing.  This was true of my T, who just so happened to be the first couples T we went to and the one that told me straight up that she saw strong BPD and NPD traits.  I ended up limiting communication with those family members and friends because they kept telling me the same thing: RUN!  I stopped seeing my T for a six month period because she was telling me the same thing and expressed concern for my emotional and physical safety/well being.  In the end, all of those people stood firmly by my side when I left the r/s and became my accountability team.  Wow!  That has been extremely humbling... .