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It's my two nights with the kids. Their mom called, talked to them a bit. Thanked me at the end with the tone of subtle desperation and gratitude I get from her these days (she WoE around me for a change). It's still odd to me when she calls me by my name, after years of the pet name. That is reserved for another now (and he thinks he is special, The One. Heh. He is #3. I was #2).

Shortly after the call, as I was reading to the kids, she called again, but it only rang once. She told me she was parking earlier (whether at home or somewhere else who knows?). I imagined it was meant for the boy toy. I imagined the conversation, her waiting to get laid. When she was with him, thing were "boiled down to their essence" she wrote to him months ago. Yes, things are simpler when you abandon and neglect your children to pursue an adolescent r/s outside of your responsibilities to your family.

I went back to reading to my children and put it out of my mind. DD1 was clingy to me again, and is still a little sick. I did get her to drink and eat, since their grandma told me she hardly did all day. I wonder if she is depressed that I am not around. Their mom said she awoke at midnight, hard to get back to sleep. I'll see how she is here. I hope this isn't the making of a Borderline Baby... .

So I put their mom out of my mind, and whatever medicating she is doing now. Except for now as I am writing this, but I am smiling. Listening to music, babes in bed peacefully, thinking about the weekend and what I need to do to start cleaning out the house of memories (donating baby stuff). I won't have the kids except for her request that I watch them for a few hours on Sunday due to her having some work thing.

I was thinking about things as I was at work earlier. The change in the routine. I know the routine of a mature r/s bugged her. I accepted it as where we were in life at the time. I not exactly happy, but relieved that I don't have to deal with the drama anymore. I miss my kids like hell when they are not with me (and I know she does too), but I am slowly coming to terms with my new reality... it does become better in time. Live in the moment, accept that I can't control the future, though I can certainly plan for it. I'll have to spend a few hours with her at the dentist on Friday for DS4, and I hope I keep my boundaries strong. But that is the day after tomorrow. Tonight, I have the little angel monsters, and I am ok. Let the day after tomorrow worry about itself... .

Turk - thank you for the insight.   

A day at a time... . sometimes a good thing to remember.  |iiii