BPDFamily.com

I'm having a hard time letting go. I do love her dearly. I was everything to her. Now it's all gone. At times I feel lost and at other times I feel I couldn't ever make her happy.

Any thoughts from anyone?... why is the BPD break up so damn hard to bear?

cron65

Hi cron65,

Welcome to bpdfamily.  I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble letting go, but you are far from alone in that feeling.  So many of us have been there, and understand.  It's really normal to struggle after a breakup – any breakup. 

For many of us, relationships with someone with BPD re-open core wounds that we have fought to avoid for many years, and that's why it feels so devastating.  It's not just the loss of a four year relationship, it's like experiencing all the losses you've ever had rolled into one. 

Be gentle with yourself, and keep posting.  It really helps.

You mentioned that you are NC with your gf.  Could you tell us more about that decision?  How long have you been separated?

heartandwhole

My contact with her has been sporadic of late. She contacts me but I don't respond. I miss her terribly but I can't help her anymore. It's very tough... I feel that I have let her down... the big guilt trip. ... like I always experienced with her. I invested so much with her... and now it's over.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is the best decision... . that I will never make her happy... . and just try to remember the good things we shared. It's just so damn hard... ya know?

This is spot on accurate.

Cron65, are you seeing a T?

I knew I needed help when the pain of breaking up with my ex felt like an internal death. The sadness was unbearable and if it hadn't been for BPD family I would have probably done some serious harm to myself. Getting a therapist saved my life. I had a lot of family trauma, unprocessed baggage and the feelings of hopelessness were not manageable for me. I posted on here like a madwoman and sought a therapist. I cried like a newborn and I read all I could about BPD.

The loss is powerful because more than likely your ex represents toxic energies and buried pain of your past coming back to life. This is not the case with everyone on here but it was the case for me.

My ex was very much an emotional replica of both my narcissistic mom and schizophrenic controlling possessive father. And it's why I loved the BPDex so deeply. My parents we not good at parenting and I was the sad and lonely child dreaming of being rescued by Mr. Perfect. Then the BPD ex comes into my life with his monkey wrench and all hell breaks loose.

Understanding BPD helps as well as reading the stories of others on here. What helps is understanding that you aren't alone. Narcissism and mental illness is more common than you think. Keep posting and keep reading.

Spell

Wow that's really insightful stuff.  i feel it was the case for me also. Carbon copy of my mother. 

I wonder if we subconsciously look for these replicas?

Me too. My exBPDbf was EXACTLY like my dad. They are the only 2 men in the world I know of that thought it was acceptable to romantically pursue their cousins's!  My dad was interested in his first cousin because of her looks and actually wanted to pursue a relationship with her and could not understand why I was horrified and my exbfwBPD slept with his ex-wife's cousin in their formal matrimonial home while his ex wife and his daughter were one floor down!

So many things about the two of them resonate so I believe that was why I was attracted to my exbfwBPD.