BPDFamily.com

I have no idea where this goes, so I'll just stick it here since it definitely relates to my child!

Alright, so I married my husband very young, he started pushing marriage within two months of dating. Now that I'm older and wiser I can see very clearly that it was an unhealthy, controlling r/s. We had a child from our marriage, d5. She's a happy, healthy, well adjusted little girl. After our marriage erupted and I left, I found yet another BPD (how lucky am I) and a very similar pattern developed. He pushed our relationship forward very quickly, even demanding we have a child, sabotaging my birth control when I refused and I ended up with my son, s1.

Okay, so now that I'm all knowing about this disorder and how to deal with the two men in my life that have it, I've come to realize that my ex husband is now in a relationship with a woman that exhibits VERY strong traits of BPD. (To be honest, for the longest time I thought it was ME that was out of touch with reality... . )

I don't care, overall. My d5 seems to like her well enough and she seems controlled when she's around my child. I just wonder, what can their relationship be like? Do they fight all the time or are they more like two peas in a crazy pod?

I know when I learned I was pregnant with s1, she decided she needed to get pregnant with my ex husband as soon as she found out. She then accused him of being the father of my second child and would call, email and text me incessantly with threats if I dared to "touch her man". Once I left my s1's father and started learning and realizing that I'd never had a serious relationship with a normal friggin' person, I started creating very clear boundaries and focused on healing myself. She used to taunt me and claimed that I "could never keep a man" and that I "have no idea what it takes to make a man happy". So delightful.

Anyway... . so, thoughts on what a relationship between two BPDs could be like? I never speak to my children's fathers unless I have to. Every time I try to speak to them like a normal person, I'm torpedoed with insults and accusations. I have no idea what their three children go through on a daily basis. It scares me, honestly.

I think it's pretty common to end up with BPD partners, especially if you grew up in a family where there were PDs. I look back on the men I dated, and there is a lot of NPD/BPD behaviors. I divorced my son's father 3 years (N/BPDx) and finally put two and two together: the only variable that was constant in all these failed relationships was me. Three years of intense individual and group therapy later, I met someone healthy. I've been dating him for a year and a half. The key is to move really slowly! Know what you value, have excellent boundaries, assert yourself, and love who you are. Someone wonderful will feel the same way about yourself that you do. 

But to your question about two BPD married to each other. I'm not familiar with that dynamic -- My dad has N traits and my mom is codependent, so that's my starting point. But there is a book review on bpdfamily about a book called the N/BPD Couple:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56788.0

I'm also wondering if you might find adult children who grew up with this kind of PD duo over on the Healing and Coping boards? That might give you some idea about what their childhoods were like.