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Title: looking at old emails I sent her I understand how I struck a nerve with this one Post by: itsnotme567 on April 05, 2014, 08:59:08 PM Reading old emails were I usually took the blame for all the problems in the r/s I'm surprised I still don't hear About this part of one where I tried to say she might have a problem. This was months before I found out about BPD.
Please take a look at yourself you have such a vivid imagination when I hear you talk about a call or what went on during the day it's like you must have been somewhere else because I didn't see hardly any of what you saw are you imagining me being worse than I am. I know so many times you have snapped at me when I've said or done something that makes you feel like I think your an idiot. If you truly understood the way I think and say things you would know that I know intelligent and smart you are. I see now where I struck a nerve with that comment. Title: Re: looking at old emails I sent her I understand how I struck a nerve with this one Post by: Turkish on April 05, 2014, 10:45:19 PM So you are saying you understand that you were invalidating? I did many of the same things, to which my Ex would respond "I feel like you are throwing it in my face," a favorite catch phrase of hers.
Many of us, in the depths of hurt and confusion, did similar things. Do you think it would have made a difference if you hadn't wrote that? Title: Re: looking at old emails I sent her I understand how I struck a nerve with this one Post by: willy45 on April 05, 2014, 10:59:38 PM Good point. Would it have made a difference? Mine was always on me for my tone. No matter what I said. No matter how I said it. It wouldn't make a difference. She would hear what she wanted to hear. And come on. We are human. If someone is raging at you for no perceivable reason, what can you do? I tried everything. Being calm. Not reacting. Reacting. Leaving. Talking to her. Soothing her. Nothing made it stop. Ever. So don't beat yourself up. This is a mental illness. Nobody is trained for that.
Title: Re: looking at old emails I sent her I understand how I struck a nerve with this one Post by: itsnotme567 on April 06, 2014, 06:40:52 AM Invalidating yes I see that . I got the throwing it back in my face As well. I don't think anything I said or did we would have changed the out come of the r/s only the timing of the end. This letter was the first time I let her know that maybe I was not all the problem. It was soon after this letter she no longer wanted me to go places with her. I'm wondering now after What I have learned about Bpd that she knew at some level I had seen the woman behind the curtain and I may open the curtain at anytime for her friends and family to see.
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