BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I am convinced that my sister has BPD. Though she has never been diagnosed, I had suspected for a long time that she had BPD. I cut off all contact with her a few years ago, due to repeated verbal and emotional abuse that I could no longer tolerate. When I recently started reading the book Stop Walking on Eggshells which described exactly what I had gone through, it was the first time that "2 plus 2" finally equaled "four"-- all the confusion I'd been feeling finally made sense.  I have felt guilty about not being the "good relative". We live in different countries, so it is easy to not have contact. I do not want to have a relationship with her.  I have limited contact with my mother (non-BP), who is close with my sister. My mother tends to give guilt trips, accuses me of "not caring"... . After a conversation with her, my self-esteem really takes a dip and it takes several days for me to start feeling "normal" again. I have no place to put my feelings about all of this. I want to learn how to get over the guilt and shame I have been feeling, which I find extremely debilitating. I want to build my self-esteem and really live my own life.

Dear way of the dragon

I want to welcome you here and tell you how sorry I am you are struggling with your sister. I know the feeling you are explaining when you find the answer. When I found out my dd16 was BPD it really was like seeing clearly for the first time and everything made sense. I want to encourage you to read the articles here... . I found the more I learned the better things got with my dd. When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively affect everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0) board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.


Radical Acceptance for family members (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0)

Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG” (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog)

Our Dysfunctional Relationships with Others (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0)

Here a few article that you might find helpful... . have you thought about getting therapy to help you heal? Please keep posting so we know more... . we are here for you

Hi WoTD,

You could be describing my family, except I have a uBPD brother. He lives in another country, and I am in contact only with my non-BP mom right now. Being so far away means that there are less opportunities for working on things, so I sometimes feel that my family dynamic moves in slow motion.

What is your mom's relationship like with your sister? Does she agree with you that there is something wrong? My mom is very codependent, and she is an expert using guilt and obligation to get her way. She will acknowledge that my brother is difficult, but is too enmeshed to see how the relationship could be any different. Her fear is that he will cut off contact and she won't see my nieces.

Does your mom know about BPD? I have talked to mind about my thoughts that my brother is BPD. She was open at first, but now she gets upset and will go to "I guess I'm a terrible mother." I've learned a lot of tools here to help me in these conversations. What kinds of things are happening in your interactions with your mom?