BPDFamily.com

After a long tenure behind the bar, tonight is my last night.

I'm 5 months sober, I got another great job, out of the debt I had last October, don't have to work 60 hours a week to keep up with the Jones's while  in school full-time.

I figured something out. I always had to have the shiny things with my ex. Always had to have the best "stuff". I felt like she needed that to feel like she was special. I tried my hardest to give her that, in the end it wasn't enough ( see who she's using now).

But I think not having to feel like that, needing to prove my worth or love to someone through "things" is going to liberate me from a life full of everything I needed or should have beens.

I want to be successful one day, but I don't want to feel like I HAVE to in order for someone to love me. They say Sam Mart drove around Arkansas in an old beat up pickup truck... .

something about that has a nice ring to it.

Arn,

I'm broke. She left me with old furniture, scraps. If I had a lady friend, I'd be embarrassed to bring her over. I'd rather have it this way, than go back.

You are so right, Mutt. The time is what depresses me most. The time I missed being with my son so I could work at night.

But I know I will never make that mistake again.

Yeah, I agree. I miss being home w/ the kids as a family. Get off work, S2 is excited when I get home. Being a part of something. A husband, provider.

Some guys, divorce feels like shackles are broken their set free.

Others, it's tough because they lose that place, as father, husband, part of a family.

I'm in the second category, that's a reason I found divorce so difficult.

I had to let go of my ego. I'll say one thing, I don't take things for granted. I cherish the moments I have my kids with me. 

D8 counts the days down when she's at mom's, S2 asks to go back to dads when he gets back to ex's house.