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my ex who has poor judgment has this guy around that is old enough to be her father. she has known him off and on for 5 yrs she claims he is a " father figure" to her. I know the guy from when me and my ex were together but not well he seems ok and is someone who is easily pushed around, I had some weird vibes from him 2 things didn't sit well with me about him 1. he lives with his ex wife and her husband.  2. my ex isn't the only younger girl he is a father figure to one of which is a lot younger then my ex. It may be harmless and I my be over reacting to this, but I cant shake the gut feeling I get about this guy.

my concern is him being around my daughter, I have made it clear to my ex that I don't want him baby sitting my daughter.  my ex got upset saying that she has no one to help her and he is like family to her so I shouldn't worry. Fact is I don't trust her judgment at all.

how should I handle this? am I over reacting?

because my daughter is so young (13 months) im worried about her getting confused about who dad is. he has been around a lot more lately since my ex has ran everyone else in her life away, he even went with her and her kids and my daughter on a 7 day cruise which she is in contempt for.

thanks for any and all advice

Unless she is using him to babysit when you are available (right of first refusal) I don't know if there is anything you can do.  Does he have physical issues that hampers his abilities to care for a small child?  Have you done a background check on this person?  Some counties have records on-line to check criminal and civil records. 

Chances are your ex is using this guy as a free babysitting service.  What are the odds of this guy sooner or later getting on her bad side and being shut out of her life? 

Out of curiosity, did he pay for the cruise?

 

none that I know of, he does have kids and grandkids of his own


no but that's a good idea


yes and house repair and anything else she can squeeze out of him




That's what has me confused, chances should be very high but this is the only person that has constant contact with her that hasn't been run off. my theory is she doesn't have to give anything back like a relationship or anything similar. so its a 100% take for her a win win.




not sure, she refused to give me any info on the cruise. my main concern was my daughter, and I only asked if he had his own cabin or was he staying in the same cabin as her. My emotions and feelings are all over the place with this and I don't know what is my business and what isn't. my daughters best interest is my main concern but I don't want to be in the wrong either. 

Ive done a pretty good job at keeping my feelings out of this but its not easy. although I wanted things to work out between me and my ex I have accepted that it cant because of her disorder and unwillingness to change her behavior. I cant and don't want to be with her because of that but for some reason it bothers me to think of her with someone else.

anyone else feel this way?   I keep reminding myself what this person has put me and my family through and I really shouldn't care about anything concerning her but my daughter.

In the early years of my post-decree divorce, when son has just turned 6 years old, I welcomed ROFR (trigger was 5 hours) because it assured me of as much access and parenting as possible.  She often offered extra days and overnights, one year it was over 20 days.  When I got custody when son was 9 years old - and she was increasingly seen as the problematic parent - I was able to get the GAL to end ROFR when I became Custodial Parent.

ROFR (Right of First Refusal) can be your friend or a pain, depending on the time frame to trigger it, your child's age and your specific circumstances.