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Title: So scared. Questions for other survivors? Post by: just_confused on April 13, 2014, 09:05:46 AM Today is 3 weeks since my break up with my possible BPD boyfriend. Not a week has gone by without some sort of contact. On Friday after a tumultuous day of text battling, I called everything off. We were going to try and take a break for three months. I called that off. I told him it was over... . no contact allowed. I'm so done with the drama. I'm emotionally exhausted and emotionally afraid of him. I have even led him to believe I am out looking to date, get on with my life, etc. That I basically want to forget him. Here are my questions. I haven't heard from him since I finally screamed through text "What do you want from me. Your making me crazy." I keep hearing that at some point they pop back up. How do you deal with it? Our daughters (not together) are in the same school and grade, I live in a relatively small town. How I am going to see him in a month at a school activity? What do I do if he approaches me? My ex husband will be there and he's a good guy, and he will support me. How do I handle that? I can't talk to him. Also, how do you deal with the smear campaign? He says he's been defending me, but I don't buy that. He bashed his ex wife, and I know he is doing it to me also. Why do I want to hear from him, and does it eventually go away? What is the pattern with these people? Well it ever really be over... . out if sight, out of mind for them?
Title: Re: So scared. Questions for other survivors? Post by: Aussie0zborn on April 13, 2014, 10:50:23 AM Yes it eventually goes away. This will happen sooner rather than later if you maintain No Contact. It will take longer to heal and get over it if you have any contact
Title: Re: So scared. Questions for other survivors? Post by: GreenMango on April 13, 2014, 01:28:28 PM It's going to be difficult at first during those school events and running into each other in town. Working on detaching is going help so when you do have to be in any shared space you won't feel as pressured.
Have you read the detachment lessons on the right hand column? What step do you think you are at? Title: Re: So scared. Questions for other survivors? Post by: coolioqq on April 13, 2014, 02:17:16 PM The important thing to know is that we "nons" have a few paradoxical patterns too:
1) We want things to be over, but we want to hear from them 2) We love people who are not capable of loving us back the same way 3) We often engage in detaching by dwelling on "good" memories and the way they made us feel, as if we were in love with the fact that we loved them so intensely, rather than actually being in love with them (makes no sense, but it so often happens) 4) Deep down we know they are lying and manipulative and this and that, but we sometimes want some more of it 5) Insert your own quirk here Detachment does not come from their post-breakup actions, but from our own. Set your boundaries straight (which you started doing), be mindful of your own memories, thoughts and emotions of him (be aware of all of it, process it and let it go - no dwelling), identify things that kept you and keep you within his reach and work on correcting that. Change starts with a thought, but happens only with action. Don't overthink! |