BPDFamily.com

So... this was the first counseling session when the "real" issues showed up (our 2nd joint session after individual assessments... . been down this road with many other counselors and uBPDw).

Lots of drama, crying, accusations... pretty standard stuff but she seemed very stuck on my "refusal" to put her name on car titles (note... I never refused this... . just wanted a calm conversation to work through details).  She demanded I be there to do this on certain day... or else.  I have been enforcing boundary where I don't do threats... .

Anyway... . the therapist got her calmed down some and we had a decent conversation about why the current setup was the way it was... . and that I had not trust issues with it... that my issues was one of compliance... . any "deal" that gets made gets my wife what she wants and then there is a "reason" that my wife conjures up to cancel her side of the deal.

So... I've agreed to go before the next counseling session (in two weeks) and put her name on the titles.  And what do I get in return... . No TEXTBOMBS... . no relationship issues, opinions or anything emotional via text or written communication!  Only permissible text issues are how many gallons of milk, and things like that.  YAAAY. 

This will be incredibly easy to verify... . and I kinda think I can't loose either way.  Either... . the texts go away... . which would be priceless... .   or the texts show up and very early in this counseling experience uBPDw is exposed as someone that can't control things to follow simple instructions.

Thoughts?  I had figured that it would take longer than it did for things to "show" themselves in counseling.

To be clear, the cars are going from sole (yours) name on title to dual names (both of you) on title?

That's not bad, I had been under the impression from your previous thread that she wanted sole ownership of a car as a precursor to divorce.

In this case there's zero change in legal standing, as by default she owns half the cars anyway.

So it's more of a security blanket or proof of being worth something for her.

Now, for your gains: it's hard to tell. Maybe the no-written-dysregulation boundary will hold up, maybe she'll have a few slips, maybe as you said she'll concoct some implausible transgression of yours into a deal-breaker. The few slips is the most likely, they would be disguised as subtle passive-aggressive feints.

Keep us posted.

Yes... . dual ownership and yes... no real change.  Prior to retirement I was military... . different states treat car ownership/registration different if you are a military spouse vs the person in military... . they shouldn't but it was strictly easier to do it in one name.

I offered to put them in just her name... . and at one point I thought that was what she wanted... . but since we couldn't discuss it... . it was never clear.

She was off course claiming that I did this because I didn't trust her... this being cars in my name.

Anyway... . I hope the deal holds up