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My u/BPD bf has been in the hospital for 10 days now, from complications via a routine procedure. Since not eating or drinking is part of his course of treatment, he has to have a pick-line feeding IV inserted today bc he needs nourishment to get better. He's growing more depressed daily--as anyone would understandably be. Hospitals are scary places and his condition is serious. He's a smart guy, too-- but tends to assume the worst-case scenario. (And having been in the hospital myself, I can empathize.) This said, he's certain he's dying. I don't want to invalidate his fear and I'm scared to death myself bc his condition is *that* serious that it could be a possibility.

Some days, he said he didn't want to see me. Or his son. But today, given his status, I really want to pop by if only for a short time. I may just surprise him and stay for only a little while just to show him my support and love. Do you think this is ok?

He's dyregulated and has in small ways been taking his anger at his condition out on me. But since I've been able to de-personalize it, it seems better.

He's in a private room, just sitting there. Won't even watch TV. We text a bit. Tried to talk on phone yesterday but it was too painful for him.

What can I do to help? Any ideas are appreciated. I am not allowed to send flowers or bring food. He's not interested in magazines or anything, really. He's just sitting and thinking all day. I love him to bits and feel and am helpless right now. :'(

Hi honeybadger,

this is not an easy situation for anyone  . Often the best is to give some attention and comfort and also some space. He is struggling with his situation and fears and it is natural to be scared, depressed, frustrated etc... But then some limited distraction is also sometimes welcome.

It will be a balancing act requiring compassion and forgiveness for occasional lashing out.

Hang in there