BPDFamily.com

Just a thought,

Have any of you gotten a thoughtful and meaningful present/gift?

A birthday present you really wanted but didn't have to ask for?

Some new clothes for no reason?

Or did you have to specify exactly what you wanted in order to get anything.

My BPDExgf was very clever in knowing exactly what things and gifts I needed. I never asked for them specifically but she would hone onto things in my life that I needed so well that I got things I really did need like sweatshirts, pants, shirts, socks and a bunch of other stuff. She would do a lot of very thought out arts and crafts type gifts but I was really amazed how good she was at buying these little gifts that I needed but I didn't really actively try to replace. It was as if she was taking detailed notes on every little thing I somewhat needed and then buying it all when a special occasion was upcoming.

During my 18 month involvement with him I received two cards, a rose, and a fishing rod.  I received the fishing rod just before I left him, so I didn't accept that gift. 

I was the one who gave gifts during the r/s:

Artwork

Things I found in nature

A pretty wonderful veggie garden

I didn't ask for it, but I brought up the idea of gifts. So, I guess she felt obligated to give me something too. I got a gift from her with an animal depicted on it. At the time, I thought it was romantic, and was soo excited when I got it. Her response to my excitement was a vulgar brush-off red-flag. Now I understand that she must have literally identified me with the depicted animal (I am sarcastic - it was a source of jokes between me and her).

Being the waif/hermit though and on a very limited income, she did make sure I knew that she was in no position to give me gifts. I didn't mind that (I was always in the ever-generous giver role, so nothing new), but her very vulgar and explicit reaction to my child-like excitement over a cheap gift left me with a bad feeling. I should have trusted my instincts!

I am glad that at least someone had positive experiences with receiving gifts!

My BPD ex was one of the most generous gift givers I ever dated.  She would put me through hell for a week, and then suddenly surprise me with the most detailed thoughtful gift.  But then at Christmas, I got nothing... . I could never follow why this was.  She loved surprising me with outlandish gifts.  And then would complain I was not romantic and never returned these types of outlandish gifts.

Meanwhile on separate occasions she admitted that she was a generous gift giver because she felt bad for the things she did to me... . etc

I never received gifts except on our anniversary i received 3 cards and they were all empty haha WHAT A JOKE... .

to be fair, my ex has always been very thoughtful in terms of gifts etc. Even when we were friends before we became intimate she would put a lot of time and thought into gifts. When I moved to London to be with her, she was amazing, putting so much effort into welcoming me to her home and city and being unselfish and accommodating.

However, things turned and all of that was cut off after a month or so. She felt cornered and resentful that she was putting in all this effort on the relationship and not "meeting her own needs". She had a way of minimising the efforts I made like supporting her financially, buying gifts etc. In fact, she would accuse me of not supporting her enough in those areas, not being romantic enough and not being part of a unit. Nothing was never enough and the bar of expectations always rose higher and higher... .

No.   I have never received a a meaningful gift.  I have never received a not meaningful gift.   Never a card or anything.  In my 1-1/2 year relationship he bought me dinner five times at the most.  I paid for most all food.   Not even a lousy cup of coffee.  The closets I got was a regift of a can of Folgers that his kids gave him for Xmas.   

My ex would put quite a bit of thinking into the gifts.

I received several pieces of clothing (shirts mainly) or shoes.

But she'd always MAKE something for me that I either needed or wanted.

Those were by far the best gifts because they always surprised me and they showed she somehow cared/listened.

In the beginning of our relationship she was a bit cheap though. $20 limit on her end, no limit on mine 

This is interesting.  Seems it's either overboard or nothing.

My Ex was very thoughtful with gifts.  I didn't have to say a thing, she would just know.  But what bothered me a lot with her is ANYTIME I did anything for her around her house (like fix her back steps, or replace some rotten wood trim outside) she would buy me a gift card for my favorite store.  She would never just let me do something like that for her without something in return (I wanted nothing in return)... . but anytime she did something for me she expected something in return.  She didn't understand that you do things for people you care about with no strings attached.

Nothing more than some cards or candy ... Man I use to go to extremes for her to have meaningful things for birthdays , Christmas and other special moments ... You know what ... She gave me awesome sex :) I guess she figured that was enough :)

Hmm. I am a health nut, but got every sort of tasty candybar you can imagine.  Gifting from her was decent, and in a sense caring. A rouge person yes, but I cannot place any blame for her gifts, I was thankful.  However... . I was expected to go along with big gifts to her, and big purchases.  Holidays were extreme and grand, against my will.  What does Christ in a manger have to do with piles of gifts, 3 feasts, etc... . I lack the hypocrite hormone, I can't understand it.


  That's a new one to hear. I guess it's like the creeper guy giving candy to kids. Interesting, and I'd find it annoying, too much of fake me out happiness eh?

Another tidbit, is when I needed a new car, etc, she "ordered" me to replace it before I was ready. I'd have the funds for sure, not want to do it just yet, but with her strong persuasion I'd get something humble but nicer.  I was an ascetic one during the marriage, opening up a little afterward.  Ever get the feeling that if life is rotten, I might as well not have a decent car/clothes/etc?  That was I.

My exbf was great at giving gifts, and would often buy or send me little things "just because." He had my tastes down flat, too.

But he would constantly ask if I liked what he'd gotten me, even after I would rave over it and thank him profusely. He said once that he always got really anxious when it came to buying gifts for people.