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Sorry I need to vent. I’m really struggling and I’m starting to feel like my T and I aren’t a good fit. My anger is overwhelming me. I’m working two jobs and have no days off just to try and keep up on student loan payments and have a place to live. Instead of graduating in a couple weeks I’m stuck in dead end life hell for eternity. Emotionally I’m dead. I have no highs or lows, just flat and exhausted. When I meet new people my first thought is now what do they want and which flank do I need to protect. My normally clam demeanor was replaced by a hair trigger. More than anything I’m getting sick of my T explaining to me how hard it must be to live in her head. How about my f-ing head? I don’t know how to move pass this or let go of the anger. I loathe myself for caring for her. I despise her illness and hate I participated in my own demise. Thanks for letting me rant.

Hey Man,

That sucks. I'm sorry that you are bummed. I know the feeling. I'm wondering what made you so pissed at your T? Certainly, I've been to a couple of ___ty one's and there are good one's out there. Your comment struck me though about living inside 'her' head and not mine. I find that I do that too. What I found was that I was so completely concerned about her all the time in the r/s that I was overly empathetic with her to the point where I lost my bearings and what I needed. It was always about her. All the time. So, to basically stay, I had to 'live in her head'. I tried to figure out what was going to make her freak out, what was going to make her loose it. I was with her for a long time but the whole time I also wanted to run for the hills and get the h*ll out. But I find I do the same thing... . I think about things in terms of what she would think about. Maybe that is what your T was getting at? Not saying the T is any good. And I understand why that comment would piss you off. But here is something that worked for me... . to help stop.

When you hear her voice in your head telling you something or you are having an imaginary conversation with her, stop and reframe the conversation. For example, when my ex's voice gets into my head, I say to myself: This is not coming from her, this is coming from me. And I then I use the same words, except that instead of having a conversation with her in my head, I have one with myself. I know this sounds weird. But it works. For example, this is how it might go (this is me thinking... . )

My Ex's Voice: You really shouldn't be so upset.

Me: F. You.

My Ex's Voice: Why are you so hostile.

Me. Because you are F'ing with me and you always did.

NOW, if this happens... . what I would do is change the person to which the voice is attached. And the conversation changes. It goes like this.

Me (replacing my ex's voice): You really shouldn't be so upset.

Me: I know. But I'm really hurt and this stupid b*tch is still haunting me.

Me (replacing my ex's voice): I know, that must be hard. She really hurt you and it is confusing.

Me: Yeah. It's true.

Me (replacing my ex's voice): It's OK to be hurt. It will go away. Just take your time.

Me: Yeah. I hate that chick.

Me (replacing my ex's voice): Me too. F. Her.

I don't know if this will work for you. But it certainly works for me. I still slip up and hear her voice in my head. But if it is really bad and I catch myself doing it, this jolts me out of it and helps me realize that it is my mind that is doing this and not my ex and this helps me realize that I have more power over it.

Don't hate yourself for caring about this person. Why not try loving yourself for being a CARING PERSON! That is a lot more rare than you would think. Maybe you just chose the wrong person to care for. Us care takers have a hard time taking care of ourselves. Maybe try doing that for a bit. Be easy on yourself. You care. You got taken. That's OK. Everyone of us on this board knows how that feels. We all just need to learn to be easy on ourselves. Then, it doesn't really matter what kind of ___ comes along. We can learn to not have to take it anymore.

And as for the anger... . Anger can be good. It helps in detaching. Punch some pillows. Imagine it is your ex and just get that ___ out of your body. It's a physical thing. Get some excercise. Get ripped. Go for a run. Just keep doing it until you aren't angry anymore.

Hang in there buddy. It is work but it is worth it. You don't want to go back to the nightmare you lived. And this will pass. I promise.