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I noticed a significant change in the last couple days.

After going through a major trigger last weekend when my uBPXxso posted on fb a set of pictures summarizing her bd week titled "I had a wondelful bd week full of work, love, and food" with her mythological ex (with whom she stayed while having an extremely close platonic relationship with me), her new love idol (17 yrs younger than her) and her son (10 years younger than the new lover), and a pic from the party her new friends through for her (a group of running friends she instantly connected to after impulsively moving to a different part of the state, some of them I know pretty well from running together).

I felt like ___ when seeing these pics. Got me depressed and into a panic attack. Especially the pic with young lover and son (I'm very attached to her son too after getting to know him over the last 2.5 years, he's friends with my children who are the same age etc. It hurts so much because they really fee like family to me).

To make a long story short, I unfollowed her on fb to reduce my exposure and forced myself not to peek at her profile, but on Tuesday I decided to have a look since I felt I develop anxiety about this exposure which I felt is a bad thing for me as I want to be oblivious to her life not scared from being exposed to them.

I was mainly working on mindfully loving her unconditionally, accepting her and her choices and releasing myself from any expectations and responsibility for her to enable this.

It turned out she trimmed the list of people who can watch the post to only me and her most recent ex (with which she had a short intense and turbulent r/s while seeing the young guy in parallel which I know she actually feels very strongly for though she knows is unhealthy and futile - we talked openly and honestly about that when she opened it up with me, not hurt me, but to share and talk).

This felt strange.  I am not sure what goes on in her mind but it gave me a sense of security on one hand since I imagine she got strongly criticised about these pics from other and that she trusts me with understanding her need for love and she still includes me on the short list of men she has or had feeling for.  OTOH, I thought it could be a cold decision of leaving the two folks she told them about that and either didn't freak out or did but she couldn't care less.

At any rate, since then I have no desire to snoop on her and her new life, lovers and new friends.  On the contrary, I feel negatively about that when it comes into my mind.

I'm still depressed and exhausted but I find this to be a good and encouraging sign that normalization is possible with no contact, and in particular when I don't force my self to remain NC but rather work on the root cause of my suffering. My codependency and attachment that went out-of-whack.

She's trying to hurt both of you by trimming down the post.

I'm sorry to hear about her son, and your children as well. That's tough.

You are doing the right thing. Unfollow her on FB and remain NC. Detach. Give yourself distance / time to heal.


Hang in there.

- Mutt

^^^^^^ I agree 100%

Yeah, whatever :-)

It's all hers, not mine.  I have higher priorities in my life than to deal with her issues.