BPDFamily.com

Background

Having been separated and working to an informal parenting plan of 50/50 custody, uSTBXW seems to ramp up alienation and support broken contact with me using our D11, to the point where D11 has stated last weekend she didn’t want to stay at dads for one night (coincidentally uSTBXW was at home and alone (S17 has already been successfully alienated due to his age, i was legally informed there's little point in pursuing/ seems he is being used as aa pseudo surrogate partner for the time being, I await him seeing the light and send him messages nearly every day)) Now D11 is displaying signs of distress, more so than in the past, she no longer wants to hug me, nor wants to talk about  the reasons why or anything else sometimes. - I also have D4 who I fear will also be used as a pawn to isolate me should D11 be completely alienated)

Action:

I'm now applying to the courts for 50/50 residence and custody (whilst I can evidence this has been the status quo for the past year, I'm now also advised the courts may very well take into account D11's wishes  if she expresses a (bias) wish to be with her mum more.  Whilst I would love to fight, is there any point in complicating matters to the end goal - at this point I can lose all contact and have no recourse so I am seeking formal court approval of the 50/50 so I am not written out piece by piece but can return to the court on each future occasion to evidence her inconsistency.

Query:

There is a supplemental form C1A which requests allegations of harm and domestic violence - should I fill this in with details of the damaging emotional behaviours?  Is there any actual recourse for seeing this in the UK system?  (my concern is due to my solicitor being very candid and stating that the courts may not be able to evidence any of it and if D11 then gets further alienated, it could likely be a fruitless venture... . I'm really not sure whether its best to fight for the legal 50/50 and leave any complicating factors out of it at this time - I'm further confused as I'm in the middle of this recent episode of alienation. I have the girls more this week to relax but feels like I start again to try and let them open up each and every time they come back to me.

Any helpful suggestions? - think I'm  going to take the weekend to consider it thoroughly.

Regards,

Whichwayisup

Just as a heads up for any UK based nons, as of April 2014, all "arrangement orders" (custody and residence) are now triggering CAFCASS to check safeguarding of both parents and concerns for the children.  Whilst this doesn't approach evidence of emotional harm on the kids in the first instance, it is a mechanism for broaching the topic without explicitly making a claim on the court application. 

Seems the UK system is also focussing much more on mediation and negotiated settlements, which frankly simply don't work with a BPD. Arbitration is what I shall be pushing for and seems the lesser of all other evils currently.

Regards,

Whichwayisup