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Title: What is best way to handle BPD when split black? Post by: mom2bpd on April 18, 2014, 04:28:55 PM My uBPD daughter split me black and won't answer phone calls, texts, or emails. She hasn't indicated to not contact her nor made any statements as to why. She and her spouse had a big blowup with her dad and I over taxes. We agreed to their concessions even though we were in the right, we thought all was fine and hugged and left each other about a month ago. No word from them since then. I wouldn't care as much if not for our gd who is almost 7 and the light of our lives. We have been very close to her since she was born in our home. Our daughter was out of the country for 11 months leaving gd with us. So last year at this time I was mom by all accounts to gd and she and I got along fabulously. Now, I can't see her for over a month. My BPD d acts jealous over my relationship with gd so I've tried to do little things to let her know that I care. Nothing is ever enough with her... . we've done and done and done for her, and she's 32 now. She has never gone NC with us for any length of time.
Now that I'm split black what is the best way to handle it? Contact her periodically to let her know her dad and I care? Left her to be until she contacts us? My therapist says to put invitations out to her with no expectations and see what happens and leave little things at their door that she and gd like. So that's what I'm doing for now. What is your experience with this? Title: Re: What is best way to handle BPD when split black? Post by: pessim-optimist on April 21, 2014, 10:07:00 PM Oh, mom2BPD... .
I know how you feel... . When it first happened to us, we were devastated. Especially since there were also 3 grandchildren involved, who we were close to as well. There is no easy fix for the pain. There is hope though - every person w/BPD is unique and also their personal situations. It has been my experience that especially girls tend to renew contact. My therapist says to put invitations out to her with no expectations and see what happens and leave little things at their door that she and gd like. So that's what I'm doing for now. What is your experience with this? I think this is the best advice you could have gotten. Keeping that door lovingly open, and keeping a discrete distance so she doesn't feel smothered by your attempts. You know your girl the best, and so will be able to determine how much is too much and how little is too little. In the meantime - it's best to focus on other things as much as you can. At times that you need to focus on your girl, try to educate yourself on BPD and the effective communication tools, so that the next time you can skillfully navigate the mine-fields of BPD... . |