BPDFamily.com

 

So I haven't started a thread in a while.  I have been doing AWESOME since coming here and working on myself.  So... . THAANK YOU ALL for being here.  But I have a question (and I still haven't figured out how to search past posts... . so if this has been asked and answered, I apologize).

So I have been noticing that in my new r/s (with a fantastic healthy woman) - that we get into some very cool serious deep conversations.  I always share where my heart and head are at.  It is a great way to be.  But she sometimes (well, a lot of times) tells me that something I'm sharing we had already talked about... . almost me using the exact same language.

For the life of me - sometimes I really don't remember having the conversation previously.

So in my working backwards through my r/s with my PWD... . going all  the way back to my FOO... . I'm wondering if all the trauma associated with these types of relationships - what type of effect can it have on memory?

I've always said a benefit of not lying is you don't have to remember what you said.  Plus, when I'm being vulnerable and speaking from the heart, the emotions overwhelm me sometimes and I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know it was real, and I remember the look on the person's face I was sharing with, and that's good enough.  I say remembering the feeling is more important than remembering the exact phrases at times like that.

Although telling someone the same things over and over can get a little old; how do you handle that with her when she brings it up?

I'm always a little surprised. Mostly because to me it like the first time I say it and to have her say I've said it before I get a little concerned that I don't remember saying it.

I have a fantastic memory for other things. Heck, I could probably tell you what I was doing Saturday June in 1992.

Hi woods posse,

I have many gaps in my memory from childhood, but when I am sharing something incredibly painful and emotional for me, I don't for the topic. I may not remember everything in detail, but I know whether I have shared a particular piece of information. I have sat and listened to several people repeat the same story to me. I realize in that moment that there is something still unresolved for that person. Now, let me clarify one point. If someone told me they went to the store last Friday and then repeated this to me, I would tell them that. That piece of information is not emotionally significant or charged for the individual.

I have the same question as HTH, what does your partner say when you tell her that you don't remember sharing? Has she shared intimate details of her life with you? What would be so bad about telling the same story, especially one that is emotionally charged and is part of your healing process?

Oh, it isn't that it is a bad thing.  we do it all the time. 

I'm just wondering how I can share some things that are emotional like that - and then totally forget that I shared them.  It's like sometimes when I'm saying it ... . to me it is the first time I'm saying it... . I still feel the feelings - and, yes, I'm sure they are things which are still unresolved.  I'm working on those things.

She knows it as well, which is probably why I like being with her so much.  We are like that for and with each other.  Nothing to hide.  No pretense.  When we are happy (and we know it) - we clap our hands.  Wait... . what? 

Seriously, for the most part whenever we are together - we are together in that moment and all present. 

I just know that there is some connection to the emotional trauma and memory.  I just don't know what that connection is yet.