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Title: Does any of this sound familiar? Post by: TXwoman on April 20, 2014, 07:08:20 PM Unfortunately I've been on and off this board for years! My BPDh commutes weekly out of state for his job- has for years. We have grown children, boys and girls. Things will go along and be WONDERFUL! For 5 months, then, suddenly out of the blue (for me anyway). He will start ignoring me, and act like I don't exist. This behavior has gone on for years! Early on, I would cry, apologize, etc (he used FOG with the best of them)- that was years ago before I learned about all of this. Now, I just go about my life (I work full time and make a good income on my own)- so I guess I've learned to play his game. But, he keeps pulling out the same old thing- HE says HE'S lonely and he expects ME to call him a couple times a week, he will also find some other thing to ride my butt about (ie; letting our dogs bark OUTSIDE). After almost 2 months of this behavior, gradually he will come around and we'll get back together, but it's harder and harder for me to "come back" to the relationship. There are some things I don't have to worry about, he doesn't run around- I am thankful for that- but I don't know how much longer I can keep dealing with this behavior every 5 months. Is anyone else in this situation? I hate that my grown son- who's living at home for a few months- sees him treating me like this and thinks this is ok. AND our daughters are aware and I keep tolerating this. HELP... .
Title: Re: Does any of this sound familiar? Post by: In_n_Out on April 20, 2014, 08:58:55 PM He goes AWOL for 2 months at a time? Seems more bipolar to me but I'm no expert. My dBPD(x)gf will flip flop during the course of a day but will come around within an hour or overnight.
Can you figure out any triggers? What may be triggering him? A wild guess would be that he starts to feel smothered or engulfed and he needs space away because (in his mind), you will wind up hurting him so if he can pull away first it would be ok. But then he misses you and needs to reattach. Just guessing here... . Title: Re: Does any of this sound familiar? Post by: TXwoman on April 20, 2014, 10:37:02 PM You may be on to something about the attach- reattach thing. Problem for him is that his game has backfired on him. He used to use that to draw me in- now, I have adapted and am really kind of ok with the distance to be honest. But it makes it hard to plan anything in advance, trips etc. and I will never plan a trip just him and I again. I can't trust him to be in a decent mood. He really is textbook BPD. He doesn't have the manic part of the Bipolar. That whole "I'm lonely so you need to call me" thing is all about control. I remind him that the phone works both ways ( he NEVER calls me), all that does is sends him into orbit. I guess one of these days I'm going to wake up and decide I'm done tolerating this. He had gone to our therapist for awhile, he was even on a medication that was a miracle cure for him- but of course he decided he didn't need it anymore, so it's back to the same 'ol, same 'ol! He's very intelligent , but when I point out that the phone thing is just an element of my behavior that he wants to control, he doesn't see it. He, then, wants to point out all the things in our lives that he doesn't control- so in his mind he thinks it's not about that. Very frustrating. Thanks for giving me some insight into that!
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