BPDFamily.com

First of all, no offense to the religious folks out there. The following is merely my opinion. I honestly don't mean to be controversial, just looking to vent.

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My mother announced today that she now attends a Born Again-style Christian church.

GREAAAT. I'm personally repulsed by this brand of religiosity bc I have a personal history with it. I was a miserable teen with a uBPD mom -- Born Agains gave me an instant circle of eager friends. (I ditched Jesus in my 20s: best decision EVER.)

So now mom is suddenly "Born Again." Just like everything else with her, I'm POSITIVE it won't last long. She has the attention span of an ant, and bible-thumping isn't exactly easy or fun. I do wonder how much extra drama it'll create though. How much tearful witnessing I will have to endure. How much money she'll waste on Bible gear, tithes and Jesus merchandise. It's just more BS to add to the collasal history of previous BS with her.  

I DO feel sorry for the poor congregants of this church though. Imagine a morbidly obese woman weeping and praising Jesus, begging to be your new best friend, constantly talking about how everyone in the world did her wrong... . YIKES.

Hi Levi78,

I had to laugh when I read the title to your post! I, too, have a similar story with my uBPD.

My parents took us to church for about six months when I was around 6 years old. We abruptly stopped attending. The preacher from that church visited our home on several occasions attempting to convince my parents to return. My mother would be all smiles and sweetness while the preacher was there, but as soon as he left, she would unleash on my dad. She would yell at him to do something about the preacher. On the last visit by the preacher, my father met him at the door with a shotgun. He told the preacher to leave and never return. I don't remember if the preacher said anything, but I do vividly remember my father chasing the preacher back to his car with the shotgun aimed at him. (Banjo music playing in background). It was like a scene from the Hatfield's and McCoy's!

We did not attend church again as a family. After we moved away, we kids asked to attend the church where several of our classmates attended. We were allowed to do this. There were no discussions about religion in our home. My parents would read books about reincarnation and my mother was an astrologer, so religion was never a focus.

Fast forward to my entering college. I began to attend a Baptist Student Union center on campus. My mother was horrified and insisted that I not attend. She expressed concern that this was a cult and that they would shave my head and send me to some foreign place and force me to pass out brochures in an airport, while wearing  a toga!

Needless to say, her opinion of religion was very negative. I attended church while raising my daughter, but never once tried to encourage my parents to attend church. I respected their position. My oldest sister also attended church, but was much more vocal and would attempt to influence our parents to attend church to save their souls.

My mom called my sister a "holy-roller" and made fun of her. I eventually confronted my dad about the abuse of myself and siblings and went NC. Two years later I contacted my mom and was shocked to hear her referring to the Bible and Jesus over and over. She had found God!

Not that either one of my parents ever took responsibility for what they had done once they found Christ!

I find it ironic that the one thing she made fun of and feared for 40+ years of my life, she now embraced! I really think she did this because she was afraid of what she might face when she dies.

Sorry so long a response. It just really resonated with me and I wanted to share my similar experience. :)

Hi, Levi78,

It is ok for you and your mother to hold different beliefs.

How does her church membership affect your life?

Wishing you peace,

PF

Yes, different beliefs are perfectly fine. However, my mother will probably take this shiny new belief to extreme, manic lengths. It will affect me bc she has few friends and I'm the one who has to deal with her. It's not the end of the world, just super annoying.

And I agree clljhns, I think her fear of death plays a prominent role in this sudden Jesus fever. In fact, she is fearful of everything these days. Will she see a therapist tho? Nope. That's for "crazy people."

That's the problem when you mix BPD with religion.  It even colors that, even if there is truth in one's spiritual belief's the BPD person puts their "spin" on it and it becomes another avenue to abuse others and justify their own behavior.  Personally I don't think the BPD's behavior has one thing to do with finding Jesus, or praising or anything else with truth involved or introspection.  True spiritual beliefs have everything to do with introspection and personal responsibility something a BPD person runs from.  My parents also used church and religion to abuse me but people who were real within church also saved me.  It's one reason I survived.

WOW I love this site... I felt so alone a few days ago... . My mother watches a religious channel about 10 hrs a day plays Christian music, sings the whole bit and in a flash she thinks that everyone around her is possessed with a demon and she has to deliver them. She has the worst tongue ever, constantly yelling, paranoid calling her children mother ___ers and asss. Then she goes to church to tell people there that she is a victim.

What can you do to look after yourself and your boundaries? Are there any topics that need to be off-limits in your discussions together?

My mother was a born again Christian for a few years. She tried, but ultimately, Biblical doctrine just became another tool in her arsenal of hate. Instead of "you hurt me and I hate you" she'd scream, "Jesus knows you hurt me and he hates you." Then we had long periods of Satan trying to get to us, and I have had my room cleansed and have had them pray for me and over me on more than one occasion. Le Sigh.

Interestingly, my mom is the atheist version of a fundamentalist. She thinks all religious people are stupid and deluded and she knows so much better than them! And of course she raised me to feel the same way.

I bought it until I was in my 20's and finally started meeting some nice, reasonable, respectable Christians. Not like I'd ever convert, but at least now I don't think all Christians are idiots, and Jesus actually had some good points.

I agree completely with rebl.brown. It doesn't really have to do with the religion itself. It's a tool for the BPD to feel superior to everyone else.

Hopefully you're right, and this will be a passing phase. But maybe not. You could try to make a "no talking about religion" rule with her. I know I have to have a "no politics" rule with some of my family members. Of course, they're not the ones who have BPD, so they respect it. With a person with BPD, it's harder.