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So, beyond my ex, I recently got into a relationship with someone that turned very toxic, really quickly. It wasnt easy but I was able to put up my boundaries and get myself out of the situation. this person is very bipolar and I ended the relationship based on what I saw. Of course after I did this the blame storm happened, if I had to diagnose this person, I'd say waif/victim as apposed to  my ex who had more of the queen traits. this woman I was with is in the hospital as much as 3 times a week and of course denigrates anyone who does not agree with her (including her parents and medical professionals). I suspect that she is including her children in some of this hospital shopping behavior as her children had some unexplained injuries as well.

So, I could do nothing, which is probably what I should do or I could talk to her ex, whom she put through the ringer in court in a most vicious way (domestic violence and other court proceedings). I don't know her ex, but I keep thinking how much I would have appreciated some help when i was dealing with my ex.

Her oldest child seems so much like my own and I suspect the enmeshment has caused some severe damage in this child. of course he could be worse than her, I dont know, what she said about him could be true and I would be making a bad situation worse by giving him information to help his case. I could teach a real monster of a guy how to protect himself from her behavior... I dont know so I thought I would pose it to the group.

Thanks

My advice is stay out. You don't know how he would reacted to your attempt to help, plus it doesn't help you any to get involved again, even indirectly.

If you saw evidence of child abuse, I'd say instead of telling the ex-, if you do anything, report it to the authorities.  Maybe a visit to the local police department where she lives and just make a report, or a call to the local child protection services.  Then let the professionals investigate and handle it. 

But better to stay away from both her and ex- themselves.  Don't get personally involved with either.

At least that's my opinion.

Yes, the general theme is to stay out, you could get burned.  However, if you think it might help you could anonymously send him a copy of SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Divorce Poison.

While he may be messed up himself, the odds are she has automatically painted him black.  PwBPD almost always paint their past relationships blacker than black, even calling them abusers of the worst sort.  (Hmm, what does that say about the ex's track record in choosing relationships?)  In their perceptions past relationships have to be bad because it can never be their fault.

He could have a PD too. You never know.