BPDFamily.com

I haven't posted in a while. So forgive me for being long winded, making up for lost time! Lol!

Final exams are coming up next week, and since the semester started, it's been tough dealing with the emotional shockwave, work, and school. There was one thing that, I believe, has kept me from completely being able to detach fully, and that was the grip/ control she had on my relationship with my son.

I had my final hearing in court yesterday and the judge gave me every single thing I asked for in my order. I couldn't fathom this walking in there yesterday. I am two days shy a month of having joint visitation. It was more than I could ever hope or dream of. A guy like me ain't supposed to get that much so soon.

You see, I had this final court date looming over my head the past 3 months. I was still entrenched in Fear of what lie or fictitious campaign she would summon up in the courtroom next. If I'm honest, it even prevented me from truly being "there" with my son when he was present.

I picked him up from school yesterday. We played catch in the front yard with the baseball. I took him to his first buffet. He had frog legs, loved them, then hated them after i told him what they were. Hilarious! We went home and watched a movie about baseball, and I awoke this morning, made him breakfast, and got him to school on time.

You see, i never had that when I was with his mom. She monopolized all of his time, and refused to let us do things together on our own, to have any father/ son time. She would call me names and disrespect me in front of my son, alienated me from him for months, and I was full of fear that she was pushing my replacement on him as his new dad. It really did a number on me.

The gavel went down yesterday and the judgement was final. It's an order of the court and it's now a law.

I looked across the courtroom at my family and at hers and my replacement even showed up again. I was saddened that two families who had been in each other's lives for so long now hated one another. I wanted to go up to her dad and shake his hand and tell him I would always have wonderful memories about him and assure him I will always take care of his grandson... . but I didn't, and there is another time for making amends for my part.

Boy, a month ago, seeing my replacement sitting with her family in MY custody case for MY son would have drove me insane! I would have sent 50+ PMs already to personal friends on this site with 3 different new threads. But it didn't bother me, and I'm going to tell you why.

He's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And if I'm right about this, I am grateful he is a part of my son's life.

She texted me last night and asked if my son could call her before he went to bed. I didn't have to let him, but I refuse to play tit for tat with her for the rest of my life. If she asks, and I can do it, I will. But more importantly, I will not expect anything from it. She was loud. And in all honesty, extremely fake. I could see it now. It was there, what so many people saw years ago, but I was blind to.

She said "Mr Replacement wanted me to tell you hi, and that he was thinking about you too!" A look of shock went to his face Bc he knew I had heard it, and I smiled and nodded my head and I told him it was ok. He told her to tell him he said hello, as well. I left the room and gave him some privacy. He talked to her a while longer, and I could tell he was comfortable. He didn't have to worry what he told his mother Bc his dad was t going to be mad at anything he said to her.

The call was dying down when I returned to his bedroom, and I heard her say, "me and my replacement only want the best for you." Well, my friends, that is why I love my replacement. I believe that one statement from her had more truth in it than I had heard in 14 years. That is why I am happy he is a part of my son's life, and mine, as well. I believe in my heart, he made her stop fighting me. Her dad, attorneys, mother, and sisters couldn't do it since December, but I believe "what's best for him" is for him to be a part of his dad's life. And I believe my replacement recognized that and put his foot down.

It's kind of hard to hate a man that calls the fight in the late rounds after both of you have had the s**t kicked out of you for months.

And he broke that last final link in that ball and chain from around my ankle. And today I walk a free man... .

With no envy or hate.

Wow, arn, so much changes in you life!  :)

I am happy with you about the final court now done. And I really appreciate your approach on your son's rs with his mother.


This is really great - your son can be lucky to have you as a dad.

Congrats Arn.  That's a powerful result.

Thank you so much, Surnia.

It really is all about him. I don't want to talk negatively about his mother anymore. To him, family, friends and even on this board. But I can see that with her, it's all about her. That the text last night was laden in guilt for what she did to him since Thanksgiving, for not letting him tryout for the all star baseball team he was invited to tryout for that all his friends were playing on, and for keeping him from me.

There is enough love in my son's heart that he can love whomever he damn pleases. And the more good people he has around him, the better.  It takes a village to raise a child, and maybe... . just maybe, this guy who "stole my life" is really just a good guy.

Thanks, GW, it's all that enlightenment you send my way!

I'm either moving in one of two directions in my life at any different time in my life, ya'll. Good or bad... . what is my choice going to be?

It's come along way, arn.

It really has Skip. I think it's easy to fall into the anger and resentment for the ones who have hurt us. Blinded by the pain, we seek to find some people, place or thing to hurt back. We fire back in defense and it starts to consume us. At least it did to me.

So much so, it occupied every thought of every second of every day. I thought of revenge, ratting her out to authorities for illegal things she's done, sending my replacement links on the borderline waif, giving the gutter punk barback that practices Wicca some old fingernails and strands if hair and put a curse on her!

No kidding, those were thoughts i had spinning in my head. Things that I thought were grrrrreat ideas!

But I'm fortunate enough to have good, well-intentioned people around me who just told me to sit on my hands, shut up, and do nothing.

I believe it was him. She put up a small fight, the judge didn't buy it, and caved as soon as my replacement showed up. That with the phone call last night, I'm convinced and if that belief helps me get to the other side of this, to a place if peace, than it's ok with me. I would've paid good money 5 months ago to be where I'm at now.

This site, support if family and friends, my son, this site, and my now my replacement have all been crucial in my recovery. And it's been a while since I can say, that I, on my own, am going to be okay.