BPDFamily.com

Hi All -- I received several texts last night from my uBPDh. We have been separated for four months now and are in the midst of the divorce process. He knew I had plans to go out last night, due to an earlier text exchange we had. He assumed I was going on a date (I wasn't, but I didn't tell him anything because I was trying to set boundaries about what is and isn't his business), and clearly he could not handle it.  See below:


BPD: Who's with the boys?

Me: Me right now

BPD: Who's staying with them while you're out?

Me: [Babysitter]. Why?

BPD: I'd like her phone number and want you to give her mine

Me: For what reason?

BPD: She's watching my children and should know I can be in touch as should she.

Me: We have lived separately for four months now and this is the first time you have asked and requested this information.

BPD: No. You gave it to me once prior and I can't find it.

Me: I gave you a list of babysitters I use

BPD: Yes. And I misplaced it. Send it again please.

Me: I am putting the kids to bed. If the information is important to you it is your responsibility to keep it on file.

BPD: Also. Please let the sitters know its ok to answer the phone. Just a concerned dad checking on his children.

Do you really want to do this?

Me: Do what?

BPD: Make me more miserable than you already have?

Me: I am telling you now that if I receive one more text from you tonight I will report it to the police. I am trying to get the kids to bed.

So, worth noting -- I have a restraining order against him. It was recently modified from no contact to allow for texts/emails relating to the kids and the dissolution of the marriage. From the text itself it doesn't necessarily look TOO threatening, but there is also alcohol dependence at play and when drinking is involved, he can be VERY impulsive. There's a major control issue... . he hates that he can't influence what I do... . that I may be moving forward in my life with people other than him... .

I wanted to see who else has had similar experiences. One day he can be pleasant, if not remorseful at the ruins that is our life and the next day its rage and anger directed at me.

Hi calpenna, from just reading that exchange, I agree that it doesn't look too threatening. You have a RO for good reason, though, and your concerns are certainly warranted.

BPDs love to bust boundaries, and that's what he is doing, trying to push you to see how far he can go. Have you seen this thread? Maybe it can help you in the future regarding you communication with him;

TOOLS: Responding to hostile email (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=133835.0#top)

In short, keep communications BIFF.

Brief

Informative

Friendly

Firm

I get the same kinds of messages from my exH with the same combo of feelings - misplacing lists, asking for kid info again, using kid stuff to keep in contact with me.  And yes he gets paranoid about me going out.  Your seems high functioning and intelligent... . and manipulative... . like mine.