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Hi All-I am 7 months post breakup, and probably 3 or 4 months NC (maybe longer).  Anyway I am doing so much better and processing this relationship. 

I was wondering if anyone else encountered what I constantly encountered from my ex.  I could always tell when something was bothering her.  She would go into a shell so to speak and withdraw some.  He eyes would be distant, she would get quiet, answers to questions would be very short, but she said nothing was wrong.  This would last a couple of days max and than finally she would say stuff like (always some thing with me) something is missing, or you don't know what I feel because I don't know, I don't feel connected.  All her statements were vague and she did not like to talk about it.  It was almost like she thought I wasn't providing something that she needed only she didn't know.

She actually didn't really expect me to do anything, she always said it was her problem (even though it was presented as my fault or problem).  It always left me incedibly guilty feeling because there was "nothing" I could do.

Anyway this has always bothered me, did anyone else deal with this kind of thing?  Please let me know how it made you both feel.

Sure, I know this well... .

I always knew something was wrong... . she would twist her mouth constantly and put on a false smile and be cold and distant. A definite dark cloud vibe would fill the air.

I would ask her what's up- at first she would say nothing is wrong (I need space), over time it would be she feels disconnected and then at some point she would blame our relationship and it would ALWAYS end up being me that was the biggest problem in her life. That was the process, it could take a couple of days at times, other times a few hours.

It was slow burning at first and by the end it was a furious inferno.

Yes, I noticed this too.  My ex used to be very quiet and a bit strange sometimes.  I knew something was wrong but he insisted everything was ok.  Every now and again he would say he wanted out and blamed my son as being the cause of all our problems.  But usually after a day or so he would act like nothing was wrong again.  Until he finally found a replacement!

That describes her. Said nothing is wrong.

Later would rage and blame me. Because ... . " I CAN'T TO TALK TO YOU! " , 'YOU DON'T LISTEN !"  " I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING !" 

yep, my uBPDexh was like that!  And I could see when he would "need" to drink by his behavior.  It would like I had done something horribly wrong... . only I hadn't done anything.

It seemed almost like she was trying to "connect" and just couldn't do it.  I think maybe in her mind if she was trying so hard to connect and couldn't do it than it must be my fault?  I honestly think this part is one of my biggest regrets/disappointments. 

You wrote my post for me.   

I think the "nothing's wrong" or "I'm fine" when things are so evidently not fine is a pretty common BPD defense.  Isolation of affect?  I'm interested to hear others thoughts on this. 

The twisting of the face was so embarrassing we'd have to leave where we were. Particularly in selfies and when drunk/drugged a rapidly changing mouth and eye movement, just looked CRAZY.

When I looked back on photos of her I could see the madness and fake faces, personas all over them and then a pervasive cartoon happy ness or gloom. Looking back it was all so creepy and negative. Odd just odd. The narcissistic persona would rise and fall with her feelings of control.