BPDFamily.com

I was reading descriptions of these 100 BPD traits on Out of the Frog site, and I was amazed that my exBPDh had exhibited all of them.

Abusive Cycle - Alienation - "Always" and "Never" Statements -  Anger -  Avoidance - Baiting -  Belittling - Blaming -  Bullying - Catastrophizing -  Chaos Manufacture -  Cheating -  Chronic Broken Promises - Circular Conversations -  Confirmation Bias - Control-Me Syndrome - Cruelty to Animals - Denial - Dependency - Depression - Dissociation - Domestic Theft -  Emotional Abuse - Emotional Blackmail - Engulfment - Escape To Fantasy - False Accusations - Favoritism and Scapegoating -  Fear of Abandonment - Feelings of Emptiness - Frivolous Litigation - Gaslighting - Grooming - (predatory act) - Harassment -  High and Low-Functioning - Hoarding - Holiday Triggers - Charms & Charming - Hyper Vigilance -  Hysteria - Identity Disturbance - Imposed Isolation - Impulsiveness - Infantilization - Intimidation - Invalidation -  Lack of Conscience -  Lack of Object Constancy -  Low Self-Esteem - Manipulation - Masking - Mirroring - Moments of Clarity - Mood Swings -  Munchausen's and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome -  Name-Calling - Narcissism - Neglect - Normalizing - "Not My Fault" Syndrome -  No-Win Scenarios - Objectification - Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior -  Panic Attacks - Parental Alienation - Parentification - Passive-Aggressive Behavior - Pathological Lying - Perfectionism - - Physical Abuse -  Projection -  Proxy Recruitment - Push-Pull - Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Riding the Emotional Elevator -  Sabotage - Scapegoating -  Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - Selective Competence - Self-Aggrandizement - Self-Harm -  Self-Loathing -  Self-Victimization - Sense of Entitlement -  Sexual Objectification -  Shaming - Silent Treatment -  Situational Ethics - Sleep Deprivation - Splitting - Stalking - Stunted Emotional Growth -  Targeted Humor, Mocking and Sarcasm -  Testing - Thought Policing - Threats - Triangulation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0) - Triggering - Tunnel Vision - Verbal Abuse

That is scary.  Only a few are not present.   

I read things like that and it makes me start with the anxiety... .

Its horrible but the lack of object consistency is the most or potentially the most damaging to me.  Raising a child you never fully have control and her lack of boundarys and consistency was something that really tore me down I am so scarred about the effect it will have on our son. 

This above all else scares me the most as I realise I cant change her in this respect. 

my ex would get an A + for this test.

Damn! I wish I knew back then what I know now. Would have saved me a lot of heartache!

Mh, I think there is something missing in this list: The intensity of all this. Lets take an example: Always or never statements. This is something I do too. My co-workers do it, my students. Or depression, many people are depressed. From there to a personal disorder is another step in my eyes.

So my approach is to be cautious with such lists. 

I want a list of the traits I'm going to exhibit when I reach stage 5 of detachment!   

This is the epitome of junk psychology.     

""Not My Fault" Syndrome" ?  "Holiday Triggers"?   " Escape To Fantasy"?   "Hoovering"?   "Proxy Recruitment"?

There is no clinical reference anywhere to suggest that these are unique characteristics of people with personality disorders.  Google a lot of these and look for a credible reference.  

This is a classic urban legend grab bag from the 90's -- some characteristics of conflicted relationships, some unhealthy coping processes, and some made up pathologies -- pulled together with the implication that every relationship conflict you have is someone else's fault.   It's an easy sell to someone that is hurt and confused...

Think about these two for a minute -- "Circular Conversations" and "Confirmation Bias".  Who is the mentally ill one in this pair - the Republican or the Democrat?

The problem is that we could diagnosis 85% of all ex-relationship partners everywhere as mentally ill with this list.  We could diagnose most of the members here, too.  And all Jewish mothers.  :)

This really doesn't move us forward with respect to understanding people, relationships, our own mental health, and the mental health of others.  And really, in the end, that what healing is all about.

If you're trying to diagnose or understand personality disorders, this is the conventional thinking and it is much more straight forward.  Remember, hese characteristics need to be pervasive over a long period of time.

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