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Title: Up and down Post by: Narellan on May 08, 2014, 03:57:21 AM Felt on top of the world this morning after burning the photo of me and former best friend. Tonight the tears are coming out of no where. I'm sitting home alone, Thursday nights is hard for me now because I always met my girlfriends for drinks at the footy club. This is the fourth week I've stayed away, my former best friend will be there. I just feel really sad tonight. I'm so so hurt by her betrayal. I don't think I was ready to give up on my ex BPD but discovering their affair has forced my hand too early. I haven't cried for a week or more, but I'm overwhelmed by the loss of them again. I just can't comprehend how people can do this. Destroy people they are supposed to love.
I have no regrets about burning the photo. I'm really happy about that. But my life was pretty good and quite social and now I'm distancing myself from all that I had. It's bloody lonely. I don't want to be up there having drinks, I'm way too sad, but I just needed to vent how much it sucks. And the two if them would not even be giving me a second thought. Can't wait to see my T on Tuesday. I need to talk this out. Thanks for letting me vent... Title: Re: Up and down Post by: Hurtbeyondrepair27 on May 08, 2014, 04:41:55 AM me too... And its like I have lost all trust.
My friend was gonna call tinight but had dinner W a friend she didnt disclose. I am paranoid it was him... I reallu doubt it... But BPDs are so vengeful and screwed up You just never know... . I was so tempted to reactivate my fb. Im really struggling tonight too Ur not alone. Im ready for this to end. Title: Re: Up and down Post by: nolisan on May 08, 2014, 05:01:02 AM It's OK ... . just part of the grieving process. It is not linear. More like a roller-coaster or the weather. The intensity lessens with time.
Title: Re: Up and down Post by: Cimbaruns on May 08, 2014, 06:41:40 AM Narellan
I had read your thread in the last few days about your burning the photo... . I understood completely your emotional anguish over whether you should hold onto it... . I believe sometimes our emotions are so powerful that we have to take a huge step back and be "with it" for awhile until they calm. It sounds as if you were able to do that and then make the decision that was right for you. I'm glad you feel good about what you did... . that's was really matters... . how it feels for you! I too was faced with a similar decision months ago... . my ex had cheated on me... . left abruptly... . and then after a few weeks ... . had come back to clear out her things... . however ... . she left purposefully behind one of her paintings that I had always loved... . I guess she wanted me to have it as a momento if you will... . so hurtful... . I had a way with it with a razor blade and tossed it... . why would I ever want to look at something as a reminder to all the hurt and destruction she had caused! I think you did the right thing Narellan... . it will prove to be part of the steps you need to take to move ahead... . And in time you will feel like you can be out among friends again and the loneliness will lessen... . it's part of what you need to do to allow yourself to feel whole again... . to feel like YOU... . and who you really are as a person... . without all the drama and destruction... . Big hugs to you |