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Title: Small bit of advice. Post by: Eric1 on May 08, 2014, 10:25:31 AM I haven’t posted on here for a while. At times, I didn’t feel the need to because I was moving on, and the other times it was because I was caught up in another re-cycle.
We said we would give it one last chance and really make the effort the make it work this time round. As you can imagine, it didn’t. We had the biggest argument we’ve ever had & we’re now back to not talking. For anyone who is new here or is struggling to come to terms with things, all I can say is patience. You’ll have your down days, times you feel guilt & regret, times you miss the other half, ideas of what could be different, how you could improve the situation, but none of it will matter because you can’t change anything. All you can do is move forward. The door is closed and locked, don’t hang around trying to open it when the door in front is already open. The best advice I can give…. Forget about them. Do not contact & go and make a life for yourself. Being in contact only delays you moving on completely. There will be times when you’ll have weak moments and all you want to do is to call or text them. Maybe find out how they are or for other motives like you don’t want them to forget you. But, it doesn’t benefit you. Everyone here will move on. I’m ready to now. It’s taken nearly a year of going in circles, constant up and downs, and it’s not worth it. Title: Re: Small bit of advice. Post by: LettingGo14 on May 08, 2014, 11:29:48 AM Thank you for posting again Eric1. It is helpful to hear how the process unfolds.
For anyone who is new here or is struggling to come to terms with things, all I can say is patience. You’ll have your down days, times you feel guilt & regret, times you miss the other half, ideas of what could be different, how you could improve the situation, but none of it will matter because you can’t change anything. All you can do is move forward. The door is closed and locked, don’t hang around trying to open it when the door in front is already open. Patience is excellent counsel. I have a zen cartoon that shows a prisoner holding onto bars of a cell while the door behind him is wide open. To me, it represents the fact that most of what keeps me "stuck" is my own mind. The best advice I can give…. Forget about them. Do not contact & go and make a life for yourself. Being in contact only delays you moving on completely. There will be times when you’ll have weak moments and all you want to do is to call or text them. Maybe find out how they are or for other motives like you don’t want them to forget you. But, it doesn’t benefit you. It's almost impossible for me to "forget." I know what you mean, however. One way I have been trying to reframe my situation is to learn that I don't need to react in weak moments, I can instead feel the emotions, accept them, and let go. For me, forgetting might be impossible, but detaching is not impossible. Everyone here will move on. I’m ready to now. It’s taken nearly a year of going in circles, constant up and downs, and it’s not worth it. Congrats Eric1. That's a good place to be. Title: Re: Small bit of advice. Post by: Lucky Jim on May 08, 2014, 02:13:01 PM Hey Eric1, Your points are well taken. For most, a clean break with a pwBPD is almost impossible so there tends to be a lot of back and forth, as you note, yet the bottom line is the same: most BPD relationships are not built to last, so the sooner you get out and move on, the better. Easy for me to say after a 16-year marriage to a pwBPD, but I'm a loyal person and it took a long time for me to grasp that my loyalty was misplaced. LuckyJim
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