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One of my favorite movies (with one of my favorite actors) is "Harvey" with Jimmy Stewart.  It is a black and white comedy with mental health influences.   

His character says at one point "Years ago, my mother used to say to me, she'd say "In this world, Elwood, you can be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart... . I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."

I love this quote.  And I don't know whether my BPDm would be capable of saying something like this (or what she would mean if she did). 

In preparing to spend time with her this Mother's Day, I find myself getting ready to be "oh so smart" about how to interact with her.  In actuality, I would rather be "oh so pleasant" in just being with family. 

Maybe I am recognizing that I don't want to spend "years" being "smart" before being pleasant. 

And this brings me to another great quote from the movie, where Elwood says "Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it." 

I also love this quote, and I also don't want to spend 35 years wrestling with the "reality" of a BPDm. 

So I will work at being mindful of pleasantness and actuality over smartness and reality. 

Apologies in advance for this bit of mental/emotional pondering out loud. 

A

Never apologise - your posts are very intriguing and insightful. I am now stealing the Elwood quote

I really like your posts. the idea of NC is being "oh so pleasant" to me. To be yourself.

I'm in tears this Mothers' Day but I would rather be "oh so pleasant" than to be "oh so smart" which would mean caving to her standards.

Thanks for this post.