BPDFamily.com

Hey everyone,

Yesterday being Mother's Day was not a good one.

We have 2 boys (fully grown) My youngest has cut ties completely with my wife and I so she did not expect any greetings from him.  He is too hurt about the verbal abuse he suffered so he is not in my life at this time. (very hard unbearable pain right now but those are the facts)

My oldest son didnt call his mom until around 8:00 last night.  We have caller ID and I knew the call was for her.  She refused to pick it up.  If he could not have called earlier then she felt like she was just an afterthought.  He called again a few minutes later.  SHe refused to pick it up.   Then she called the both of them stupid jerks and didnt want to talk about it any more.   

I hate holidays and birthdays.  They remind me of the damage done by my BPD wife to her kids and myself.  Somehow I pray for the strength and wisdom to know what to do... .

This is difficult to ask:

• How is your r/s with your grown children?
  
  Have you considered divorce?

I'm 51, divorced 3 days, and my D20 & S24 are overjoyed with it. 

And neither of them called their momster yesterday.

You cannot repair your uBPDw but you can repair your life.

Holidays were always the worst for me too. I think they must trigger childhood memories of the neglect or abuse the BPD suffered, causing them to always have and project a dark cloud during the holidays. I'm sorry you're going through this.

The terror started for me Saturday when my uBPDw's mother told her the menu and plan for Sunday. My wife said she didn't like any of that and didn't want to do any of it. Then the rage turned on me. Read my intro post for how that night went.

Yesterday she was so hungover she was puking and in bed until about 2:30. I went to her family outing with my own mom and did the right thing - taking care of the moms in my life. Later that night, I went to my own family outing and she refused to go. I didn't let it ruin my day of seeing my nephews.

Now... . The recycle... . Wouldn't you know she was excited for me to come home and she and her daughter went to a movie while I was with my family.

This is something I had to accept JUST to make myself feel good. Proof you can't change them, but you can change yourself.

Reality is it's every holiday.

Here is my text from Monday morning to my BPDw: I'm done with the whole mother's day/father's day/valentine's/birthday thing. It's not working so I think we should just skip them.

Now, before you think I'm some kind of hero... . anniversary is in June... . I foresee total disaster whether I stick to my guns or not.

Holidays, birthdays, christmas... . a total ___ storm. Every. Single. Time.

I imagine these events were invented and perpetuated because they offered people a respite from the hard times. It seems so cruel that we all dread them so much. Where's our respite?

Separated from my uBPDw last December.  Had best Christmas in years as I took late teen age kids to celebrate with my sister and her family.  It was so peaceful.  This Easter my sons and I took my mom to brunch.  Again a whole new experience as opposed to the last 25 years.  We scheduled a time to go, we left on time, we had pleasant brunch without the stbx, who would normally just rudely be playing on Facebook anyway whilst the rest of us conversed.

For mother's day I simply informed my kids a few days ahead of time and told them they may do what they wish with the information.  I don't think they even called her.

It's a world of difference without a BPD messing up everything.

Since mine left: I've traveled to California twice, seen the Grand Canyon, NYC, and Vegas.  Holidays are peaceful quiet.  Not full of dread.

This Fourth of July: Niagara Falls