BPDFamily.com

If you have read my post's before, you know my story.  I got back from vacation yesterday, and the texts started today, about how much she wanted her things out and that is what I want as well.   I had to spend time with my mother today to make up for being out of town on vacation yesterday.  She wanted to meet me at my house after our dinner to get her enormous amount of trash and things, and bring her mother along because she did not want to be alone.  She is a 26 year old woman (girl), and I didn't play into that game.  I said she could meet me with her mother (who I thought loved me) when I was finished eating with my family.  She asked if tomorrow would be a better day, and I said yes.  I am on her time it feels like all the time.  My ego does get in the way sometimes, with how much she has done to me, I have to keep from being as low as I have been with this whole thing.  I need to take control of my life which has to do with getting her stuff out, but it transfers into trying to control something that is uncontrollable.  I grasp it most of the time.  She is texting and calling me as I am typing, even though we agreed on tomorrow.  It's those boundaries, that even non BPDs don't understand sometimes.  Tomorrow is a big day because her mother is not happy with her daughter and I was always the one she could count on we they weren't getting along, mostly her mom trying to form a relationship, and all they do is fight, nasty things are usually said from my BPD ex.  I am very anxious, but I need to be ready for it, because it is time.  I need to let this all go, and am trying every day.  It still hurts and I don't want to be rude or mean in any way around her mother (even though she deserves it).  I want to show the class that I have shown throughout the duration of everything, through everything she has done to me.  But she is not allowed in my house while I'm not here which is what she keeps fighting for.  I'm trying to stay strong, I hate this necessary contact.

thanks for listening

I think you are doing an awesome job facing it just by remaining calm in this chaos. You will start a new life after they leave tomorro. You have consistently acted with kindness and dignity and while she might not respect that, we all do here. You're very inspiring. I hope you were able to enjoy your holiday after all those demanding texts. Good karma to you xx

Facingit... . just keep doing what you are doing and act with the ultimate maturity and tact.  Easy to say, hard to do in the face of the beast... . but the payoff is down the road as you can respect yourself and love yourself for how YOU behaved. It is the only thing that you have control over. BTW, I think your boundary of not allowing her in your space is a good one. I also think having her mother there is VERY appropriate, especially if her Mom likes you. (If she shows up without he Mom, reschedule!)My exes Mom loved me. I was a very stable influence in her very unhealthy daughter's life.  I bet you are the same.   Sounds like you have your priorities in order.

A BPD is emotionally immature, emotional arrested development, like a young child that flails and doesn't understand boundaries. She will test your boundaries, if she is not allowed in your house, uphold your boundaries with steel resolve, don't worry about she wants. Hang in there.

Thank you so much for the encouragement and wisdom!  She did not show up yesterday, go figure right.  I want her things out of here very much, but I am enjoying the NC.  I'm torn because I know I have to deal with it one day anyway.  Why prolong it is the question?  I think I will be ok with them here if they show up, but I have really enjoyed the last few days without hearing from her.  I though about it last night, but just wrote it down instead of texting, it sounded angry and callous.  I don't want to open up a barrage of hurtful things she would probably say.  I don't know if I should continue to get stronger before she shows up with her mom or whoever, or just text her and get it over with.  I do like the getting stronger and feeling better more obviously.  It does still hurt, but I think most people would say the best thing to do would be to  ask her to get it out now, by a certain time, in which case she probably would never show up anyway.  Catch 22

I know exactly how you feel. You are doing well. My former best friend ( my replacement ) are I have been very involved in a club for the past few years. An annual function is on Saturday night, one which I've always partly organised. I agonised over whether to go or stay away. I haven't seen her since I dissolved our friendship for reasons she believes are unrelated to being with my BPD . I'm still so hurt and betrayed she is doing that behind my back, but she has no clue that I know. So I decided I might be strong enough to go along and avoid her, and spend time with 50 or so other girlfriends. I thought it a good opportunity to show my face there, given she's been using my " depression" as an excuse for my no shows for the past four weeks.

But then she text me. Out of the blue, just said " hi, just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing" . And I fell apart. Blubbering mess. Grief again out of no where. I'd been peaceful for weeks with NC from her. The sadness and anger was still just sitting below the surface.

So I have now decided to not go on Saturday . Again ill be a no show, and they'll all be wondering why. But I can't go along and not fall apart apparently . So still no contact with her.

I have not heard a peep out of my ex BPD boyfriend, he is totally engrossed with her now and I'm still obviously painted black for my distancing the friendship with her.

I've gotta try to stay away from this game of Triangulation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0). And if that means people think I'm depressed and having some sort of breakdown I don't care. I know the reasons I can't go. And it's about me not engaging or being around my two faced former best friend who presents as butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Bag up her belongings and put them out of sure. In a garage or store at a friends house . Keep NC . If she texts you, reply briefly to organise a collection time, and state that if she doesn't come that day you will take her things to the op shop. Or you could just drop them at her mums and text her to say you've done that . And then it's done . No more anxiety. No more reason for her to text you and keep you hanging. Personally I would just do it myself drop them to her mums and I think that will give you a sense if peace and power.

Like the poster sized photo I burned last week of my ex best friend and I. Very empowering.

Awesome job to you for remaining distant and not allowing her to reengage you.

Thank you for the support.  I appreciate all of you so much, this experience with my exBPD has been something I hope I learn very positive things from and I want to help support others that have been through the same.  Today wasn't one of my best days, I will probably be posting later