BPDFamily.com

Good Morning... .

First I want to say that bpdfamily has become my sanctuary... . I find hope, peace and so much understanding when I come here. I have also learned A LOT... . and I have put into practice all that I have learned. For the most part, I am seeing changes in my relationship with my dBPDh.

However, there is an area that I am struggling with. My husband can be very harsh with his tone and his words at times can be very hurtful. Example, this morning he woke up in a bad mood (he is not a morning person at all) and I could tell that he was going to the place where he lashes out at me and he did. I was trying to be nice and going out of my way to make things as peaceful as possible. However, it didn't work and he began to mock me and say hurtful things. I shrugged it off in front of him... . but on my way to work I broke down and cried. In the past I would cry in front of him and that would be when we would fight. However, I have learned to control my emotions in front of him.

My questions is this: How do I get to point where his words or actions do not take me to a place where my emotions get the better of me. Even though I am expressing them without him present... . I want to arrive at a place in my life that I do not allow his actions and words to control me to the extent that I am emotional. If that makes sense... .

Any advice would be great! Thank you!

It does take some time, and you will probably never be fully immune to it. It comes hand in hand with building your own self confidence in who you are, and knowing your own reality.

Eventually it changes into frustration at times, and sometimes anger. These are normal emotions that everyone experiences from time to time. They come, they flush through and they go.

Stick with it you are already making progress. Celebrate that fact. Its not always where we are at in the journey, it is more about the fact that we are moving forward

Thank you so much! It's a long journey... . and I know that I am up for it. Your encouragement means a lot to me!  |iiii

Hi MSE1081,

Just adding - you got a common problem and as waverider said you can't fully isolate yourself. Still working on learning skills here on the board and applying them will reduce the rate you are exposed to such stuff and also will allow you to protect yourself somewhat. It is a bit complicated how it works so I don't go into details here beyond saying that using boundaries often shifts your own emotional processing. You'll feel it once you start applying the simple but quite profound skills in the LESSONS.