BPDFamily.com

How prevalent is lying as a part of BPD?

When do they most lie?

How can you tell?

Thanks... .

I am finding out it is a larger part then I had ever realised.  I am just now seeing that in my case a lot was at least a twisted half truth.  I am the kind of person that will trust until given a reason not to.  That being said, this is what I been learning:

1.  Things she told me years prior she didn't remember or changed the details of.   This is longitudinal,  but was the first   red-flag

2.  When confronted with facts that are unassailable,  trails off or adeptly changes topic, usually focused on you.  She did this to me on Sunday.   Now I know this is an outright lie... . which i knew anyway when she started to defend her actions.  I didn't let her know what I knew exept to counter her explanation... . really pisses her off, but she needs to know she will no longer be taken at face value.

3.  Half truths.   This is the hardest and one she uses most often.  Sounds plausible so I rarely challenged.  For instance,  she told me our daughter needed to stay home from school (sick), but really the dr. Said she could go to school but not over exert herself. My wife didn't want me to take her to a classmates birthday party on the weekend so twisted it. Unfortunately, you have to follow up on these (I called the dr. Myself)

Lastly, for me anyway,  since I now know she lies, I follow up with research if it is a significant enough topic... . and no more benefit of the doubt... . I go with my gut.

In my case I think she lies to cover up her guilt over misdeeds and to get what she wants or manipulate me to do what she wants.

Also, I think she also lies to make me feel bad.  For example, she came home from her therapy appointment and told me her T said she thought I had aspbergers.  You don't know me, but this is a completely ridiculous assertion.

Just my thoughts on my experiences and may not apply to your situation. Good luck!

In the case of my ex, lying was a large problem .  I caught him in so many lies. Sometimes lies about things that were strange, that didn't make any sense to lie about.

Then i would think that maybe that lie was covering up something bigger. It would frighten me how he could sit there and look at me so calmly with direct eye contact and tell me a blatant lie ! Ugh... . it went on and on until i just thought that it would be best to just assume everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. Then i felt crazy and guilty for thinking that  of course because he did tell the truth at times. I just couldn't tell the difference.  

I tried to check in with myself when I became fearful about something that just didn't seem right.  Is it me being paranoid this time ? Or is he being truthful now.

i just couldn't trust that much of anything he said was true... . I would discuss this with him because of course when he was caught out or did admit to lying he gave me the excuse that he was either protecting me or he was fearful of my reaction because of the abuse his mother gave him and her reactions to him or he said that just because there is no logical explanation for his lie that doesn't mean he didn't feel his own need to do it in the first place and he said that I just could not understand that. So I felt like he was holding me  responsible for his lying or inadequate for not understanding why he lies.  ugh... . when i think about this  i start to feel anxious again.

It was such an unhealthy situation.

Do they all lie?

Can you have a BPD who does not lie very much?

There are many levels of pwBPD lying.

Words are often selected that best describe how they feel or their "needs". Whether they are true facts, twisted facts, or just made up, the purpose is to describe how they feel.

Versions are often told out of fear of exposure and avoid culpability, again whether true, twisted or false, whatever sounds best will be used.

Making impressions, again they will often use what they believe you want to hear or believe will have the best effect.

At the end of the day they believe it is their business and how it affects you is not really their concern, as you wouldn't understand anyway.

They really do not have a real grasp on reality, and so there is no real solid truth to adhere to, no benchmark to even feel guilty about straying from.

This is their reality, they probably think others are the same. That may be why they struggle to totally believe what others say is the truth. Truth =what you feel now. Feelings can change, therefore so to must the truth.

How to deal with it? Take everything as interesting on face value,. Dont waste you life constantly trying to discover the real truth, just be prepared to not make any important decisions based on their realities alone.

Constantly chasing the "truth" can end up making you sick.

My experience?

Lies were his native tongue.

Deception was his favorite past time.

I would pack his lunch (make his fav meal the night before, and pack his lunch for the next day)

I would ask him "how was lunch"?

He would say "great" (after he threw the meal in the trash, cleaned out the tupperware to make it LOOK LIKE he ate it when really, he went to Taco Bell)

He literally lied to me about what he had for lunch.

He lied to me about EVERYTHING.

I had no idea. I just trusted him.

Totally, trusted him.

Until I caught him having an affair... . THEN I started looking at him, like I look at everyone else in the world.

How do I know he is lying?

1. Anger flares when I ask too many questions.

2. NO eye contact (or worse, look you right in the eye, with a smile on their face, and lie their ass off)

3. He's sneaky, so he will sneak around the house (body language is EVERYTHING)

4. He always leaves himself an 'out'. (I will do this... . unless this happens or "I will be off at 5pm, unless something comes up in the shop)

He literally lies all the time.

Imagine a spoiled, selfish, entitled 13 year old boy.

Imagine that same boy, when he doesn't get his way.

Yeah. I married that, and stayed for 24 years.

This is all shocking to me, as I have rarely ever caught her lieing.

In fact the other day she said to me " I need to tell you something, I lied to you about something"

She came clean and told me what it was.

Two days later I asked her why did you tell me that and she said "I can't lie to you, I feel guilty if I do"

I'd love some feedback to that... .

thanks.

I find that lying is all the time and sometimes about things that their is no basis to lie.

The only way to find out if their lying is to double check or research, otherwise you will never get the truth. 

Have the same experience expressed by most everyone on this thread.  The lies are about the most insignificant, stupid things.  Things that it makes no sense to lie about.  Of course, there are also lies about more important things.  Will be too long to list here and I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Bottom line is I don't believe anything he says anymore.



It all seems very entertaining to my BPbf as well.



WOW same crap here.  I'll cook extra for us so he'll have something to snack on later (cooking for lunch and making enough for his dinner later).  He'll call and say thanks that I made enough for another helping and that he just had it and it was great.  Then I'd get there the next day and find it sitting untouched in the fridge.



Same story with me.



Mine hasn't had an affair yet that I know of, but it was because of his lies involving another woman that I finally accepted that I can't trust anything he tells me.



Yup, sometimes he will even ask "what's with all the questions" even when I have only asked 2.  I figure this is him buying time before he answers with a lie.   

The closer I get to the truth about something he really doesn't want me to know about is when he pulls the self-righteous anger thing.  The f-you tone in his voice.



Oh that right in the eye stuff is classic with my bf.



Mine will even step outside at night in the cold when he doesn't want me to know who he is talking to (usually when talking to his dealer or pedestal girl). His phone is almost always on silent and vibrate now so I don't even hear the calls coming in.  He just disappears.  As a result I have learned to always close all the curtains as soon as it gets dark.  That way I can eavesdrop from inside the house without him knowing.  I've uncovered a lot of lies in this way.  I keep the info to myself to be used if and when needed.

I've also noticed that he likes to make calls when I am in the shower.  He will often even ask "what time are you going to shower?" and when that time comes "are you going to take that shower now?"  I know I am not stinking!  I think he texts whoever he wants to call to set up the time and then gets antsy when I am not in the shower at that time.

Then there's the sudden late night trips to go buy something.  Nowadays he will wait till I am in the shower or such and then tell me he is going to buy the paper or something for me.  How sweet, hey?  He is going out to buy something for me without me even asking for it.    Then he'll say "Oh I actually went there after work and they were out, but I'll try again".  Really?  The little convenience store restocked since 5pm?

Then he comes back about 20-30 minutes later and says he couldn't get it at the shop 3 minutes away so had to drive around especially for me until he found it.  I say nothing, but I can feel it in my gut: he just goes and parks somewhere nearby and calls his pedestal girl/cheap hussy for a little goodnight chat.  One of these night I am going to sneak out after him and find out once and for all. 

Here's a tip: if your BP comes back with something that you know should be cold from the fridge, but is room temperature ... . odds are they bought it earlier in the day and only pretended to go buy it on a late night trip to the shop.


This is my situation as well.  What I hate most about this is that it makes it hard for me to make plans of my own.



Excellent description. 

I never caught my exBPD in a lie either... it actually made me wonder if he had BPD because of it... but he also doesn't self harm either. I guess some lack all the  my-issues

I could say that my experience with truth in my relationship is a bit different than others here.

I have never outright caught my uBPDgf in a flat out lie but one incident that sticks in my mind was a few years ago when an old friend of mine was getting married. She hid the wedding invitation in her car and then proceeded to bash him because he never sent an invite. I found the invitation hidden in her car a year later when I was looking for a medical record from a recent Dr. appointment.

My most common interactions with lies are when she suspects me of lying. She will imagine a scenario or misunderstand a shared social interaction and accuse me of hiding something or lying about what happened. For example, at a local grocery store there was a girl checking out customers in the lane next to us. I thought I recognized her as a friend that I used to hang out with about a half of a decade earlier. I figured that it could not be her as the last I had heard she had moved out of state. She asked why I was checking out the checker and I told her my initial thought. She let it go for the time being... . gone home and found this girl on Facebook and learned that she had indeed moved back to our home town. SOO of course I was lying and had known the whole time. I still hear about how I lie to cover up the most insignificant things to this day.

So I guess my point is that I am on the opposite side of the insignificant subject lies. I am CONSTANTLY questioned and accused of lying.

Often she will try to catch me in a lie when I have been 100% truthful. She then gets mad that she can't catch me lying and still insists that I am not being truthful. Or she will verbally back me in to a corner and has in the past even made me believe that I am not being honest.

Jeeez, just typing this I am getting a bit upset... .

SAME HERE.  But the more I think about this subject (lying), the more I'm convinced that at least 1/4th of the things she's told me about her past are fabricated.  Even my mom said 'there is no way someone has gone through all that she says she's gone through as young as she is'.  she always 'forgets what year the even happened or forgets how old she was... so the stories are never exactly the same, so you can't say, 'wait, i thought when you were 12 you lived in idaho, but you just said that this happened when you were 12 and living in texas.  convenient that I can't put the chapters together.

in my experience, yes, lying is a HUGE part, i'm very new to figuring out BPD so I could be wrong.

I wish I could record everything so that I could go back and show her what happened.

She gaslights me a lot.  trying to make me think i'm crazy or stupid.

I've read a lot of posts elsewhere on the board though of people being accused as you are.  It seems almost as though female BPs are more guilty of this than the male ones.  I could be wrong.  Just an observation.  My bf has never accused me of lying.

Often fessing up to a lesser lie is using the tactic to cover up a bigger lie.

Constantly being accused of lying causes you to omit things in case it triggers this. You get caught in this and it creates the very issue you were trying to avoid

I am so jaded by my lying STBEXH... .

Anytime he would "confess"... . it was usually a week or so long process, because he'd "forget" this or that, and when I would question he'd say "OH I have something to tell you" to try to regain my trust (by looking like he was being forthright / honest)... . when actually, he was just spinning more lies.

Punch me in the face with the truth, just don't kiss me gently with a lie.

Brilliant

It just kinda makes me feel sad really.

It must b exhausting to have to keep track of all of the things u say and do to avoid being caught out. Its so much easier to b an honest person i figure. Hey im no angel all of the time but i do my best cause it just doesnt feel good.

I think where i lack honesty the most is not fully disclosing how upset i am when i feel someone is being unfair or mistreating me.  Im getting better. Its scary to speak up to bosses, significant others or people who you fear you may b risking alot if you do.

Anyone else care to discuss their own issues regarding honesty ?

Yes, that was rather good.

This is the whole BPD chicken and egg situation, does the chaos and dysfunctionality cause the Disorder, or does the Disorder cause the chaos and dysfunctionality? It is self perpetuating.

The effort to make excuses is more difficult than just doing things right in the first place.

This is very wise.

My BPDgf says she found a piece of jewellery worth many thousands of dollars at her work. I asked her if she had notified her boss. She said yes.

Then recently she said I need to tell you I lied to you. I did not tell my boss about it. She said I cant lie to you as I feel guilty.

The good thing was she brought this up herself, as in I was not talking to her about lying at all.

So, sounds good, right?

But was it... . ?  Was it a cover up for a bigger lie? Like perhaps where she really got the jewelry from.

But she brought this "I told you a lie" up, out of the blue. In complete isolation. So not done to cover anything up.

It is so hard to trust in the midst of all this.

It really tests my relationship to uncertainty. This forum helps... . It is like you have to accept two realities and wait for information to make the right decision.

Anyway, any views on this "unprompted coming clean"?

I get a lot of unprompted confessions. they are usually laying the foundation for something else. Sometimes just testing the water to see if you are open to believing something.

In my case it is never out of genuine guilt, why this and not the 100 other fibs that have been told? There is always a motive.

Just a sales trick, pointing out a minor defect so you may get distracted from seeing a bigger one.

Exposing the whole truth simply leaves them feeling too vulnerable to contemplate.

I find it best not to pursue it when I get these revelations. Just take it at face value and move on.

The only truth is you will never know the truth.

Even if you heard it, you would never fully trust it. So what value would it have without complete trust?

WOW - best just to move on then.

certainly

THIS made me  lol.  it's so sad but true! Can I get that on a bumper sticker?  :)

This thread should be a sticky.  |iiii

To add to all the exceptionally accurate accounts here. When you try to combat the lies by looking futher or investigating anything that is said. Realise that to everyone else they know, you are being portrayed as jealous, insecure and stupid. Which eventually is what you become to some extent anyway.

Even when I do know for sure she is somewhere or if she is with someone and being honest she will drop hints that she isnt. The ploy being to show your doubt in trusting is unfounded.

There is no way to deal with it except... . seeya  folie

A previous workshop on this subject

Is lying common in pwBPD? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=142056.0)

This may run counter to the thread but I am working with an Indian mystic to help understand my gf. I have to say he has really helped. Until the next What the heck just happened it has been plain sailing by listening to his advice.

Of course this may be short lived, but so far every time he has been proved right.

This does not mean I will not say bye anyway, but... . I am learning a great deal from him.

Is he teaching you listen and interpret better?

I can see that mine is an extreme case of BPD. And everyone has different reasons why getting away may not be a simple option... . BUT... . listening, interpreting and trying to understand is what got me into this trouble in the first place lol. She is definately better, but she will never be right. For me the lies are what simply cant be overcome.

Just love the above!

One of my slow to develop skills is recognizing the lies she tells one family member/therapist/program she uses to set me up for yet another negative response. 

Like trying to align two opposite magnetic poles.  She ought to understand physics, my youngest one does. 

As her pronouncements become more acute and frequent, I know we are about to get on that not-so-lazy-susan for another spin.

Treatment/Remedy:  Put on my own oxygen mask first.  In the past I used to say to myself, " try not to think about it." That kept me stuck for many years.  The oxygen is so much more liberating.

The lying and all of the excuses for it and his projecting the reasons for it onto me was dangerous for my mental health. He knew my FOO issues well, and being someone in the mental health profession himself gave him more tools to do so.

I became so confused and questioned my reality at times. I'm still trying to get my head straight about it all.    Seriously scary stuff.

Hello All

This is a great thread. Funny and sad all at the same time.

In the beginning I used to call my dBPDh on the lying because it was just so in my face LYING! You will all know of course any challenge to a lie automatically invalidates the pwBPD, so everything is then way worse. So I have learnt to leave everything well alone now. It took some eight years of trial and error, and sometimes I am still left open-mouthed at the audacity of my dBPDh lies. If I know it to be a lie now, I just say that this is not how I remember events and then just listen.

It's funny but the lies are not an aspect of this disorder that bother me; I have learnt to accept that when my dBPDh is out of the house without me I can never know for sure what is happening, so I no longer ask or even wonder about it.  Surprisingly this sits alright with me now. I also accept that for my dBPDh the lies represent an aspect of his reality, sad 

Waverider you outline the pathology of lying for pwBPD really well, and AimingforMastery brilliant anecdotal insight  :)

I asked my BPDex's parents why he lied about everything, all the time.

His mother responded that he was born with a lie in his mouth.

Like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he would deny that you saw what you saw, and try to convince you that you imagined it.  He thought everyone else lied like he did because for him it was the normal thing to do. 

Are most BPD people born without a conscious?

He is actually telling me reassuring things that she is not as bad as I fear. and so far everything he has said has been accurate. (Unbelievably!)

In terms of lying he says she only lies a little.

He also says my using the BPD label is damaging to her.

And he says all I need to do is radiate being calm & soothing, and let her know that is what expected and simply never get mad - and if necessary remove myself in order to stay calm, then get calm, and then return calm - and continue to stand in love, and express myself from standing in love.

As she sees this she slowly understand mine is the only way. Calm & loving.

Ultimately it leaves her no choice.

By the way if anyone wants an introduction to his chap, let me know. He is not expensive, and has brought me much peace in the chaos.

... . which is priceless.

Sounds like he is teaching you to remove perceived threat and criticism your partner may feel you are radiating. Which in turn negates a lot of her motive to cover up. Most lying, not all, is driven by a feeling of fear of discovery. Allying the fear will lesson the fibbing. Probably not eliminate it though as it is too ingrained, almost instinctive.

All this is good, but is very hard to do. We can but try our best 

This is very true.  You start to question your own sanity, constantly second guessing yourself and generally turning into someone you don't recognize anymore.

I completely agree that you question your sanity.  Especially when they claim they said something or did something and you know it didn't happen.  You do begin to second guess yourself.

thanks waverider.

Yes, that is much of it. He goes further still, and suggests not caring, in that our state of being is so powerful who cares if she is nice or not nice, that is nothing to do with me and her stuff. Of course this is easier to do in my situation where I am not living with her... but it is still very hard to do.

In any event, it is great advice - focus on your own state of being and continually being a loving, honest person.

If she loves you she will be with you, if she does not - that's fine too - as you are more than fine just the way you are.

JUST BE

This is good advice also, as you are removing the control her reactions have over your life, hence reducing your own risk of resentment. It also helps by reducing your instinct for reactive responses, which simply fuels the escalation.

Perhaps "not caring" is not the right term, more "removing your dependency on her behavior" might be better. The former can be invalidating (triggering) whereas the latter is taking a responsibility away from her (easing source of triggers). If something she does visibly affects you she will then go on to pile on the nonsense to deflect responsibility.

Sometimes small shifts in perception can make all the difference

Yes, those refinements re accurate waverider. The essence of his teaching is to be powerfully in your own state of being so that other's behavior does not affect you. Or at least far less so. Strong sense of self... . - which is quite ironic given the lack of sense of self in most BPD's... .

Ironically it is often the nons lack of self that causes us to fall for a pwBPD when they are in the idealization phase, rather than seeing the red flag. When we met them we did not see their lack of self, we just saw them reflecting us and so we bonded. We needed their validation

This is why we have to fix us first, odds are we had weak boundaries in the first place.

Oh Waverider that is a scarily insightful post about our own lack of self. A therapist friend of mine said following in love with a pwBPD is like following in love with yourself. I am reminded of the myth of Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection and died because he could not see that it was himself. There is more to it than that,  but your post really resonated with me - ouch.

Scary Freudian slip- I meant falling not following  :) I think maybe following is better.

I completely agree waverider that we nons lack(ed) something in our self that caused us to fall for the pwBPD.  I know that I had been verbally and emotionally beaten down by my exhusband and that my current uBPDbf said ALL the right things and that I completely ignored all the  red-flag .  It frustrates me that I saw those  red-flag  and ignored them.  But now I need to make myself strong, yet ignoring/avoiding his behavior can be very difficult.  They are SOO consuming sometimes.  I truly think he demands more attention then my 8yr old child.

Completely agree also. I've posted it before and I'll post it again. "It's going to be a healthy relationship for me or NO relationship". I'm not looking for a relationship to make me happy. I want to be happy and healthy on my own first and then if God wills it to meet someone who is also happy and healthy on her own.

I think that's at the CORE of all failed relationships. Unhealthy people looking elsewhere to fill the void of what makes them unhappy or

I need to keep doing the work to change the person that I was that TOTALLY IGNORED all the  red-flag . I mean I was shown so many  red-flag  that you would have thought I was at a communist rally but I CHOSE to ignore them because I thought I was in LOVE! Turns out my idea of LOVE was skewed.

I also need to accept the fact that there were red-flag  about me too and change the things about me that I can change!

Total LOL to the communist rally!  Also, I don't know if I would say my idea of LOVE was skewed, but that my uBPDbf said the right things at the start that made me believe it was love. 

I don't believe (or at least in my bf) that he knows what or how to love.

It is ok to love yourself, just dont project that love onto what is only a reflection of yourself.

Yes I was unsure if I really meant it that way. I think I did TRUELY love her even though I didn't have a healthy understanding of what love is like I do now. But was it real love as the person I loved wasn't real but just an image created to have me THINK I was in love. Yes I feel the way you do. My X was manipulating to GET me to love her.

Very complicated stuff!

I assume everything coming from my uBPD is a lie at this point.  The 4 year history of inconsequential and serious lies has taught me it is more refreshing to discover something was a truth than the persistent disappointment of finding out things were lies. 

Is it okay to love this? ^^   |iiii

Aw, waverider, you rule!  That is so what we 'nons' tend to do, isn't it?  Is it our own need for validation that we seek out/soak up idealization in someone mirroring us.  Wow.  It's so simple, yet until we're ready to receive the message, it's all convoluted and this way and that... . complicated.

At least, I think that's what you meant?  Maybe?

Are we even projecting our real selves in the beginning?

Correct, if you can see yourself for who you are and learn to appreciate yourself you will not be so vulnerable, or needy for, the opinions of others, whether good or bad. Your life decisions and attitude towards others will be more centered as a consequence.

Lying isn't part of the diagnostic criteria for BPD... . Healthy nons tell the odd porky " of course you don't look fat in that dress... . Mmm, dinner was lovely... . Oh my! What a beautiful baby " if we were all completely honest, all of the time, we'd hurt people. It's the reason for the lie that hurts ie if we are hiding things we'd be too ashamed to admit, or protecting someone's feelings when we know that the truth is just a hurtful and worthless opinion.

Of course, some of us may have lied because even though the truth might be acceptable to rational people, to a disordered person, it would be the key to Hells door. I've done this when I was meeting his psychiatrist.

Being able to trust and thinking that everyone else is lying has proved to be a bigger issue in my relationship. 100 people could stand in a line and swear blind that I was at work, not meeting a random for sex, but he would still believe his own reality.

Does he lie? Well, I wasn't looking for it for years and the ones he did tell were the sort I could rationalise as human nature. However, the more paranoid he became, the more he lied and accused others of lying. To trust even his own family members is dropping his guard and opening himself up for future abuse. He wouldn't want to be an idiot and get taken for a ride.

He lies about people lying, in order to justify his trust issues. It's damaged some good people, but he would never recognise it though. His internal world would collapse if he took a long look at the mistaken, sometimes horrific things he's concluded and been grossly wrong about.

It's not his fault though. If a pilot flies over his house whilst I'm in the garden, he's asking to be accused of watching me :-)

Same here.  My idea of love wasn't skewed and I certainly wasn't even looking for love and had been happily single for years by choice.  He said and did all the right things, was considerate and caring (or pretended to be).  I thought it was love because the facade he put up was so convincing.  I never saw him as some knight in shinning armour, but rather as a good, down to earth, solid guy.  I never felt that he was going out of his way to impress me, but rather that he was just being himself.  Now like most everyone here I am left having to face that the guy I thought he was never really existed.  He still pretends to be that guy a lot of the time, but I have uncovered way too many serious lies and secrets to still believe that he is for real. 



Same with mine.  So far I have figured out that to him real love is something that is only possible from a distance.

The reason it is so convincing is because they are not deliberately trying to sell you an image like a con artist, they are just naturally mirroring you. When they tell you they like what you like, they do, they have adopted your interests and taken them on board. It's not deliberate faking for effect. They have simply "borrowed' your image. In that moment they believe it.

It seems genuine, because it is, it just can't last as it doesn't come from an inner self.

This doesn't apply in my case as he certainly never adopted my interests even in the least.  It was always about what he liked and about what he wanted to do.  Mirroring me and my interests were nowhere on the radar.

Interesting convo... .


For me, whatever my exBPD says is a lie until she proves her words with actions.

She does not think she is lying (and actually she has NEVER lied in her mind ) because she truly believes it while she is saying it.

If she dont follow through its always, yes but... . this happened. I didnt know I had to do this... . blah blah. Just empty words.


So until I see action to back up words, everything and I mean everything she says, to me, is a lie

I would say mine is similar to this.  It is we do as he wants, when he wants.  If my family and/or plans enter into the picture then I'm being selfish.  He even becomes jealous of the time I spend with my 8yr old child. 

He has started arguements, by lying, over a sport I put her in the she likes, and I have coached in the past, his lie is claiming I am not asking her about what she wants to play and then telling me she is afraid of me.  I am very open with my child about any & all activities she does and ask her way before signing her up.  It is all he "need" to control me or be with him, even if he isn't home.

my husband lies about EVERYTHING.  No matter what... . I never know what to believe anymore.  Now I realize he's always been like this but I my eyes were just shut to it before.

Half of his lies are to make me go crazy and question reality... . the other half are to cover up whatever he's doing that he's not supposed to be.  And then there's times he just out right lies over stupid things for absolutely no reason.

Same with my interactions with my uBPDxw. That's WHY I don't even talk to her anymore. Tired of trying to filter out the lies to get to the truth.  I only converse in e-mails so everything is documented. Just caught her lying about my kids camping trip yesterday. Saying she didn't know about it. Showed her the email showing that she DID know about it and she backed off. It's SAD that it's come to this but THANK GOD for BPD family and the EDUCATION I'm receiving here so I know how to deal with her or I would be completely OUT OF MY MIND by now!

Are they as much delusions as lies?

My ex would go to extremes with cover ups and lies.  I just couldn't understand it because i did not know he had BPD.  One example i just thought about was , i was arriving at his house for the weekend and his daughters were coming the next day. He has a driveway that is only big enuff for two cars side by side.  His was there on one side but he flagged me down to stop me from pulling in.  He claimed that my car was spilling oil the last time i was there and did not want me to park there. He pointed to the pool of oily substance on his driveway.  I was suspicious since the last time i parked there it was the other side of the driveway and my car was not leaking oil. I parked my car outside of his gated community across the street instead. He went inside and i decided to investigate this pile of oil.  It was actually fresh oil with no odour , more like vegetable oil. He must have very recently put it there himself.  I hadn't been there for a week.  Hmmm... . I know very well what leaking oil motor on concrete looks like!

So when i told him that i did not think it was motor oil , my car wasn't leaking and i had parked the other side last time , he said that maybe it was from his lawn mower.  Well his lawn mower is electric.

Hmmmm... . I just stopped engaging the whole thing.  Futile really.   I am not sure why he didn't want me to park there. I worried he didn't want my car seen there just in case another woman may see it . He may have wanted me to leave it open for his daughters for the next day.  I just could not understand the lengths he took to avoid me parking there...   I am sorry for this long story but knowing what i do now about BPD... . i am thinking he must have been uncomfortable about any confrontation from me about parking elsewhere, so he set this scenario up instead .  Yikes... . He did many strange things like this .

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