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Trying to set boundaries throughout the minefield of my conversations with my uBPD mom the other day... . lots of manipulative words, alternating between crying and anger, playing the victim, etc. about a situation that didn't even involve me at all. I don't really want to get into it, but even after the progress of stating how I feel/what I want I still have the same emotional reaction after the conversation- just incredibly emotionally overwhelmed and sad. Don't really have a question, just wanted to share with the only people I know can understand, and maybe get some feedback on where it goes from here.

Hi lavalove,

You are not alone.  Your description is like nearly every conversation with my BPDm for the past few years. 

So please hang in there--you are stronger than you know, and you WILL be able to leave the "drag" imposed by your mom's emotions.  It might take a while, but try and let it go. 

I haven't been perfectly successful, but as time passes, the weight and sadness seems to lift.  Please don't give in. 

A

Hi lalvalove,

I still remember your introductory post and am sorry to read you’re feeling so sad now. The minefield you describe sounds very familiar to me too. Setting boundaries isn’t always easy when you’re just starting with it, especially in relation to a uBPD parent. You’ve experienced a lot with your mom like random rages so I totally get your strong emotional reaction after the conversation. When I look at my own situation, just the thought of setting a boundary can make me feel anxious because you never know just how your BPD relatives will react. These emotions are part of the game but I think you’ll feel less overwhelmed in time as you practice more with setting and enforcing your boundaries. Congratulations on taking this step and stating how you feel and what you want to your mother |iiii From the way she reacted it’s clear that she didn’t take it that well, but that’s what often happens when you set boundaries with a person who has BPD. They will often try to resist and make you relax your boundaries and one way of doing so is the use of manipulation. I think you can actually use this experience going forward because you now also know how she might/will react to the setting of boundaries and you can also prepare for that.

Lavalove

You're absolutly right, it is "incredibly emotionally overwhelmed and sad". But you'll heal in time. It's frustrating that it can take a while to heal, but BPD don't half lay it on thick. I've just gone 5 months No Contact and I feel happier than I have in decades. You have the option of cutting these negative influences out, or simply going low contact.

There are books on the recovery stages, and one of the stages is depression. Also we morn the Mother we wanted but will never have. So if you're feeling sad, maybe it's part of your recovery? This forum should help aid your recovery. Sounds like a bit of No Contact wouldn't hurt just now. Why not invent an illness that requires solitude, no contact. Maybe something the Dr. never get to the bottom off - so the BPD can't discount it. Might be infectious - don't want your BPD to get infected, do we.