BPDFamily.com

What happens in the relationship if you get sick and need to care about yourself? If say, you hurt your back and need to rest in bed for a few days? How does your uBPDso react to you?

I would imagine they might get upset and fear the loss of you (even if it's not a serious medical issue, in their extreme mind, their partner is sick equals  partner is vulnerable and will die and abandon them).  And then they get mad.

Shatra

For the most part, I never show vulnerability to my BPDWife.  She has always kicked me when I was down.  I also never told her if something good happened to me.  It is a threat to her if I am promoted or get a raise.

With that said, for some reason my BPDWife is overly attentive if I am sick.  I think it makes her feel like she has some control over me and that I need her.

Shatra and Tired of it,

     Thank you both for these replies. Each of your answers have helped me out with extra insight. I appreciate this. I will be away from the internet for a few days so no one thinks I am ignoring them. Also pressed for time right now so sorry for being short.

For me I think she resents when I am sick. For example I recently had food poisoning and I missed an entire night of sleep puking like 25 times and I still went in to work. but she will never let me go to bed early or sleep in. We have 2 young kids and so we are both sleep deprived and so I let her sleep in and have nap priority and also go to bed early. If I didn't it would be a tantrum from her. So really I am dealing with three children here... . I am so sleep exhausted right now... . At least I do get sleep at night, she doesn't mind if I sleep on the couch thank god. I get paranoid in bed with her sometimes.

It is kind of strange. My husband is in healthcare so he knows how to take care of people. There have been instances where he is very caring, but he is usually very controlling about taking medicine and such. One time in particular I had the flu and he totally ignored me. I think it depends on the day 

I seem to have the not-so-typical BPD-case. He's very caring usually, makes sure i'm comfortable and catered and even apologises he can't necesserily take as good care of me as he would like to. Previously there has been also colder reactions, but those times seem to be in the past.

Hi PablosAngel


a lot depends on what role you play in your relationship and how big the social network around your partner is. Often our partners rely on us for validation and in these cases a focus on ourself is perceived as invalidating and will be disliked.


Caring for others can provide a great sense of validation. A lot of people here on the board are in this boat. It is a good example of (within limits) healthy emotional behavior. Worry about partner -> help partner -> constructive reducing cause of worry.

It worth keeping in mind that pwBPD are quite different individuals. The nature of the illness brings with it a tendency to non constructive behavior. But any individual may exhibit constructive behavior in some areas. And then a lot depends on emotional excitement and mood.