BPDFamily.com

When my cluster B soon-to-be-ex filed a PFA against me last August, I realized my safety and liberty were in danger. I wanted to file for divorce, but she had a confidential address and served me first after my first attempt (control). At mediation in February I agreed to give her my vehicle (non-marital) computers I had purchased, a bed, sewing machine, petty stuff. Next she wants me to sell the house which I put in both our names thinking we'd be in love forever. It was purchased with inheritance money which in my state is not marital, if you can prove fraud or deception. She wants me to be on the street, which is where she ended up after SI, visiting the psych ward and then the homeless shelter then back home. I said I love you and you have a home here. She said she didn't want the house. Then she abandoned me. Always complaining about bad karma, now I know why.

We're on the trailing docket sometime in the next week or so. Great. That doesn't help my anxiety and depression. Met with my lawyer yesterday to go over a few questions. I need help there, I'm not good under pressure. My therapist says I also have PTSD/panic disorder from living with her and her dysfunctional family.

She knew I was going to inherit some money and left me when my bank account became exhausted.

My lawyer seems confident that we can have her name removed from the deed, except I have to put on a stellar performance.

I was deceived. From the beginning she said she had a mental illness but no one knew what it was, she told me. For three years I was kept in a FOG until the day she left. A LCSW friend of the family said it sounds a lot like borderline.

Any input greatly appreciated.

Are you confident in your lawyer? And what does it mean to put on a "stellar performance"? Meaning that you have to convince the court that your ex defrauded you?

I am becoming less confident. We were supposed to have a professional witness, my therapist, maybe. The only witness now is my sister. But it's too late to get another lawyer. No more finances. I cannot express any emotion, just the facts. Difficult when you are being hit from all sides.

It can be difficult especially in the beginning because you are still in the fog mode. Practice with someone. Perhaps your lawyer can grill you and help. Staying focused on the facts is important. See if you can write it down and just keep reading it over and over.

What does your lawyer mean by a stellar performance ?

What was the therapist supposed to testify about?

And what is your sister being brought in to testify about?

I think she wanted him to say that she planned to go after the inheritance. But he said BPDs don't plan ahead, it is a survival mechanism. She also talked to another one of my Ts and didn't think it would be useful. She also wanted him to speak about how much psychological damage she caused me. It's true, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd. But I have rebounded significantly (many thanks to BPD FAMILY in part).

My sister knows how I welcomed her and her kids into my life and she didn't really act like a wife. Never helped with the bills, etc. Treated me like a doormat. She didn't want to be part of the family. Last summer my sister invited us down for dinner and my wife refused to go. Stuff like that, I guess.

She has two advocates as witnesses from a homeless organization I am sure she told how dangerous I am.

I'm hoping the judge will see through her, but on her meds she can seem sincere.

Oh yes they can.  Disorder comes in all flavors, she may be co-morbid with Narcissistic or AntiSocial, what my lawyer called sociopath.  Their entitlement or sense of "I'm right or you're wrong" limits them from seeing or admitting what the consequences can be.

Very likely she's done this pattern before and so expected 'using' you would work again.  They're disordered, not dumb.

What do you know of her prior relationships or marriages?  Is there anything in her history that could indicate a pattern of 'using' people?

There were red flags everywhere, but I was blind to them. Her first marriage ended in disaster and she constantly fought with her ex over the kids. She said he abused her and them. I believed it. Other boyfriends were drunks who destroyed her belongings. One tried to suffocate her with a pillow. I was her savior, etc., etc.

I don't appreciate that my T would say that and confuse my lawyer. As I watched her prepare to leave, she tried to make it as painful as possible for me, like she was  acting in a grand play.