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I'm really listening to my body so much more now, and asking myself how I'm feeling in given situations. This is very new for me. I was just reading through someone's post and my landline phone rang, and I let really went into panic mode. I feel like I'm going to vomit. And it's fear. Fear and anxiety because I've been NC for so many weeks I feel a recycle could be coming. Also he's about to return home to my suburb after being away since feb.

I always have my mobile on silent now since the breakup so as to avoid that startle reflex and panic. But I can't do it with my landline. It's usually always just a telemarketer . Only my ex BPD has ever called my landline number (after he's deleted my mobile and wants to recycle)

I'm just wondering how I can alleviate this reaction. I never answer it, but the fear factor is getting worse as his return to town gets closer. Any tips?

If telemarketers or your ex are the only ones the call the landline, I would suggest to just unplug it!

My ex would call off a 'No caller I.d' because she's blocked, I still get a jolt everytime my phone rings in my pocket!

Thanks for your suggestion but I need it plugged in for the Internet

That's the only reason I have it. I check the number after its rung out. I know the telemarketers numbers, this time it was private number. Could be anyone. Could be him.

I'm starting to worry a bit about my reactions. If I hear a car pull up I get panicky as well. It will all go away probably after I have faced him. I don't want to be this paranoid hermit.

Speak to your phone provider and ask them if they can block withheld calls. I think it's possibly.

Do you know why you fear seeing or hearing from him so bad?

Could be as simple as this solution instead? ->

If he knocks, say "go away" with the door shut or ignore

If he calls say "don't call" or just hang up

If you see him on the street "Nothing to say, I gotta go"

You think he will ever be aggressive in contacting you or giving you trouble?

Thanks for the replies. AO I've thought out so many scenarios. Mostly I feel in control but the coming to the door does worry me. Yes I think if he knows I'm NC he will be aggressive. He said to me once he doesn't see boundaries. If he goes at something and it doesn't work he just tries another route. He said he won't give up til he gets what he wants, just keeps coming from different angles. And I see this in him. He is reckless and he said he can be fiery. But for me I'm just scared of cutting him off. He's cut me off so many times without a thought but something about him worries me. He's never raged at me. We've only ever had one disagreement and I couldn't recognise him then, he just looked so different.

Last contact he said he wants to be friends because that goes on and on whereas relationships end. I agreed to friendship. That was almost 10 weeks ago and NC since. I wish I'd said no. I want it to end. But at the time I wanted him back under any label.

He might just be gone now fingers crossed. I don't want him in my life but I'm weak with him. I don't want him to talk me around. I think that's my fear more than aggression, but I think he's capable of anything.

Narellen,

Sorry your going through all of this and are in that uneasy position. Hopefully he will just leave you alone and move on now. She (your ex friend), probably won't want him hanging out with you a lot since their together now. Maybe that will help them stay away from you.

For your sake I hope the only knock on your door anytime soon is the pizza delivery guy. I hope the only call you get is the pizza delivery guy asking for directions because he's lost and needs to get the pizza to you.

Peace,

AO

Thanks AO. They're not together yet he's still interstate. He's just been setting it up via FB messages and phone. She may not reciprocate now I'm out of the picture. ( she's always been very competitive. Anyway I heard yesterday she's added another young guy from the footy club to her f buddy list. She sent him a topless photo which has been passed around the club. Soo glad were not friends anymore. I don't think she'll want him when she's got prime beef at the taking. But nevertheless their emotional attachment/affair is the worst betrayal to me)