BPDFamily.com

In a recent post I mentioned I saw my BPDx's current guy on fb and I felt ok with that as he seemed like a decent guy and we even have some similarities... .

Well, I feel like I've been just hit by a lightning!

I went visiting my 18yo daughter today in her dormitories and she presented me her new best friend there that she's met a couple weeks ago.  A cute young girl her age and my daughter told me that they connected really quickly and easily, that she's nice and they have a lot to talk about.

An hour later when I got back home I saw on fb this guy pictured hugging his daughter and it turns out she's my daughter's new best friend.

F'en unbelievable. I freaked out. I don't know what destiny is trying to tell me and what test I'm being tested now.  I want to stay away from my uBPDxso's world and no way I need this coming.

Just wanted to share this... .

I've no idea what to do about it other than stay calm and deal with whatever happens.

Thank you for posting.  These are the challenging, tough, and often unimaginable situations we end up facing.   It often feels like the universe is testing us.

I don't have any answers, but I value the opportunity to be here with you.   I often come to this community when I am stuck, and out of ideas, and feeling overwhelmed.

We're in this together.

TIL,

Yeah the odds of this situation happening like that are about as low as getting struck by lightning I'd imagine. Maybe your daughter and his daughter were friends first recently (2-3 weeks ago) and then this new guy meets your ex at the same time frame, like at the college together or some event or something by all four of them bumping in to each other. Maybe I'm not doing the math/times right just looks like that's more probable. Maybe you wont ever run into that guy. You seem mentally strong from what I have read of your posts, and that's a good thing.

Peace,

AO

Wow... . you have been hit by lightening.  What are the odds?  You're right of course.  Nothing to do but stay calm and deal with whatever happens if and when it happens.  Nothing may ever happen. 

I take it your ex was your GF and not your daughter's mother?  Does your daughter know her well? 

 

The universe is on a roll this week.

My quick story about FB is - ever since me and my diagnosed exwife split up, I had been super careful about not having her FB stuff pop up in my news feeds (it's a long story why I'm even still friends with her on FB), but I made sure not to have our daughters stuff pop up and any other extended family pop up.  I just didn't want to know what was going on in her day-to-day world.

Especially after she got pregnant (soon after we split), for the second time, with a different dude (clarify... . she got pregnant shortly after we split, but had a miscarriage... . he was also married... . then a few months later as we were "trying to work it out" she got pregnangt by another man, old enough to be our son, and they just had twins).

So this morning - what do I see on my FB wall... . pictures of them at the christening from yesterday. It took me a minute to figure out what I was looking at - and then by then, it was too late.  Cant unsee it!

Turns out, I recently became friends with our nephew (her brother's youngest son).  I love that little boy - so when he requested we become friends, I guess I forgot to make it so his feeds don't show up.  Anyway, I guess my ex decided to tag him in a photo from yesterday ... . and BAAM... . all up on my wall.

Great way to start the day.

still... . I had already gone through the roughest part of the detachment and felt fine with her starting a new life, new babies (we never had children, and she always wanted kids), and I knew eventually I may run into something like this.

The universe is up to something.  That wascally wabbit of a universe!  lol

Thank you so much LG.  I really appreciate your help and calm presence on this board.

She met him a month ago as far as I know from fb and from a common friend.

We're both involved in the local running community though we live in different parts of the state.

I saw him in a running event last Thursday and we participated in a discussion together on fb just yesterday regarding that same event (we were both ranting about the amount of trash left on the trails)

The fact that my daughter got connected with his has nothing to do with that.

They met a couple of weeks ago in the dorms knowing nothing about their dad's possibly knowing who each other was... .


Thanks so much, AO.  Yeah, I'll survive this challenge, and with a grin on my face :-)

I'm just a bit shaken by this.

Possibly part of our strength is to realize, connect with, and process our emotions... .

Crazy it may sound we were never a couple.

We were best friends and had what Skip defined as an emotional affair where we fell in love with each other while she was in r/s and she decided to stick with it and we remained friends at heart and kept talking and meeting on a daily basis, doing all sorts of stuff together, from sports, to shopping, going out together, celebrating family events, and even going to her parents a couple times.  VERY VERY unhealthy, I know.  But it felt like the right thing to do at the time.  This has been going on for a couple years.

It's important to say that her exbf knew about us being such close friends and her feelings for me and he was ok with it (I don't know how much it was a part of him breaking up with her).  She is polyamorous although she never went out of the closet about it and she feels a lot of guilt about that.  But the fact was that she loved us both and each of us fulfilled different needs for her. Really complicated and sad.

It all broke up when her bf broke up with her and she got into a downward spiral, went berzerk, and split me black eventually.

So both our kids know us quite well and would like us to be together, for what it's worth.

When talking about this with my 18yo daughter, that has BPD traits, she said "* is probably going through some issues and probably needs the space now".  Kids are so smart :)

I'm a bit torn.  I want to not know but when I unfollowed her profile I was tempted to check in on her in other ways and since we have a lot of common friends she keeps popping up on their news feeds.  I guess I can either block her or just get out of FB for a while.

The latter would be better since I feel that blocking is somewhat violent and I don't want to be there.  None of us acts in a malicious way and I still believe she cares about me although some of her actions hurt me and her outings of new relationships on fb are not destined to hurt my feelings.  It's part of her issues and it's my business is to detach from that.

I'm not trying to hide new friendships I've made, and I'm not bragging about it either but there is no reason she should hide her new life if she chooses to share it on fb.  The problem I have with disabling my fb account is that I run a group on fb that I feel obligated to.  Kind of lame excuse ;-)


I'm very glad for you.

Thanks for your support!

Quick update.  Next episode in this soap opera is... .

He friended me on fb today.

I approved the friend request but remained in NC since I don't feel ready to get any closer yet.

I'm really glad that it didn't trigger me.

TIL