BPDFamily.com

Today, is just not a good day. Recently, my dad made comments about how disgusting my job is. He thinks what I do is the lowest thing on earth--I work from home as a customer service rep. The way he degrades me and my job you'd think I was a prostitute. Some days I don't even work because of the lack of motivation I have due to the negative environment.

Previously I was in school but had to put that on hold because BPD mom almost died. However, she acts as if she has no recollection of what happened and that she wasn't "that sick"(she had to be rushed to the hospital several times and her eyes were rolling to the back of her head). She says this because she doesn't want to be the blame for me not succeeding in college. I'm not blaming her but the circumstances kinda put things on hold for me

It has taken me a long time to finish college because of the abuse I endured; I recall being told to quit, getting smacked, and threatened with objects by BPDMom for various reasons. Also, my father accused me of lying about going to class. He also thought college was a waste of time. There were many setbacks but guess what? They look down on me for not finishing and call me a bum. It wasn't like they pushed me to succeed

Right now, I am trying to get a better job. There is a chance I might get a job that pays well and I'll just have to put education on hold. I cannot be in this toxic environment any longer. I know once I decide to leave BPDMOm will be crying and begging me to stay. She is sick

If you are anything like me... . sometimes the bad days just seem to butt up against each other and it can turn into a bad week, month, year... .

One way to break the cycle is to just... . get out. Take a walk (not minimizing the hugeness of your situation, but 30 min's change of scenery can be a mini miracle). Call a friend for a cup of coffee or Starbucks visit.

And to be honest, I tell myself sometimes if I think I have it bad, there are bound to be folks who would trade my bad day for one of their completely awful sucky days in a heartbeat - only to gain some perspective that if I survived my other bad days, I can make it through this one too, if you see where I'm coming from.

Very cynical adage i sometimes say to myself too - "Every day above ground is a good day."

Because it's the truth. And it's sort of a funny tongue-in-cheek reminder that where there is life there is hope.



Sending you a big cyber friendly hug and validation that I get it.   

I needed this.   

lately I've been searching for rooms. I'm trying to find a place for really cheap so that I can afford to live on my own and go back to school. Do you think Craig's list is safe?

I don't know about Craigslist for finding lodging - but maybe check with local churches or colleges perhaps and see if they have families who rent rooms to students -

Your plight is familiar to me as I relied on my abusive parent for college funds, then was at her mercy about not finding the type of job in the interim years she thought was "appropriate." You can't win.

A good plan might be get out of their realm of abuse and get some safe little place to think and regroup.

You aren't what you do remember. Whatever job pays your bills - it's not the definition of you. I have encountered some of the sweetest most resolute folks I know who are custodians and housekeepers - their inner core is deeply grounded and unassailable.   

Good luck with your housing search. Don't go to any Craigslist address without a friend. And make sure someone knows where both of you are going. I just found an amazing Choc Lab girl to live with me via CL... . so it has its merits... . but we all hear too many horror stories too.

A good life is waiting for you. You just have to track it down.  *)