BPDFamily.com

Do any of you have any stipulations about daycare and the child not being left home alone in your parenting plans?

SD9 lately has been left home alone every night for four hours at uBPDbm's. We are not cool with this. We are getting a temp order for the summer to split the time and we would like to put in a requirement that SD9 cannot be left home alone all day for 9+ hours. (SD9 has already said to me she supposedly isn't going to go to camp this summer and will be home alone, I don't think so missy!).

What consequences could we add in if SD9 is not in daycare? Is there anything realistic? From what I've heard just bringing her up on "contempt of court" is generally a wrist-slap.

In the USA, states decide what the minimum age is and many defer to the child's maturity without citing a specific age.  They range from bottom of the barrel low of 8 to 12 or so as I recall, you can search for a list of states online.  A lot depends on the child's level of development too.

My ex has been a very possessive and entitled mother, the typical my-baby-is-a-part-of-me.  I have custody and when my son started middle school last September, 6th grade, age 11, I decided he could ride the bus home when on my time.  My ex threw a fit, how dare he be a latchkey kid!  Needed intervention by the police, lawyers and GAL.  Oh what fun.   But the issue was settled that day.

Are you going to seek ROFR - Right of First Refusal?  I had that in the years from age 6 to 9.  Since I used daycare, I made sure daycare was categorized in the order as equivalent to school, otherwise my ex would have tried to swoop in and keep my son until I got off work a few hours later.  I had set 5 hours as the threshold but it did limit me when there was no school and I would have wanted son to play with his cousins all day.  Beware that what you want enforced with the ex would probably also apply to you.

Our state doesn't have a set minimum age. They say to follow the national recommendation of 12 but it depends on the maturity of the child and the amount of time and other circumstances. We don't feel comfortable with the 9 year old being home alone. She doesn't make good choices and really needs structure.

This order will be for this summer only. That gives us time to work through mediation and discovery and trials and such without having too much chaos for the next few months. We don't have an order at all (not even a temp, they were never married). Plus SO and my wedding is this summer and that is really triggering uBPDbm so this will hopefully prevent her from trying to mess it up.

I don't think we want a ROFR for the summer. That's just inviting chaos on uBPDbm's part (I can see her picking SD9 up during the day from camp and then causing drama when it's time to hand her back over).

SD9 fell last night and broke her arm. And judging by the way uBPDbm has been dodging answering a single question we are suspecting it happened when uBPDbm wasn't home yet from work. UGH! This is exactly what we wanted to prevent.  :'(